Shadows of Darkness
by auntof3
Summary: When Kono's world falls apart, it's up to the team to help her pick up the pieces. Kono angst. Full team, with an emphasis on Danny/Kono friendship.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I'm taking some liberties with this story, including some background information on Kono and her family. I also realize the concept that drives this story may be farfetched to some, but even though this is a whole team fic, I really wanted to explore the idea of a close friendship between Kono and Danny. I really hope you will give it a chance. There will be angst, but there will also be resolution. I hope you enjoy_!

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"Hey, Max. What's up?" Steve listened intently for a few moments before pinching the bridge of his nose and swearing softly. "Are you sure?"

He was quiet just a bit longer before interrupting. "That's not what I meant, Max. Of course your ability to do your job is not in question. I just meant that given the circumstances, I need you to be positive without a shadow of a doubt before I blow up her world."

Danny was a lot confused at this point, but knew by the look on Steve's face that whatever news he had gotten was not good news.

"Okay…we'll be right there. Is Duke there? Good…have him keep everyone else away. Nobody goes near the body except for you until we get there."

Steve nodded as Max confirmed the request. "No…don't call her. Danny and I are on it. We'll take care of it." With that, he disconnected the call.

He glanced at Danny with a look of dismay on his face, deciding to not beat around the bush. "Duke got a call about a body drop…HPD called Max. When he got there, he realized that the body was Adam Noshimuri's."

Danny blanched at that. "The fuck? Seriously?"

Steve nodded and took a deep breath. "GSW execution style. He's positive on the ID."

Danny shook his head. "We need to confirm before we tell Kono. If Max is right, this is going to destroy her."

Steve and Danny headed for the Camaro. "She and Chin are on the other side of the island, talking to Sophie's parents…they should be back in a couple of hours." Steve was referring to tying up loose ends on their latest case – a kidnapping that turned out to be a teenage runaway trying to get ransom money from her parents.

The two climbed into the car and made the short drive to where the body had been dumped. Duke had made sure that the area was cordoned off, and while there were a few gawkers, the crowd was manageable.

They quickly found Max, who was standing over a black body bag. "Gentlemen." He was concise, as always, but Steve knew that he was probably a bit rattled. Adam had often taken time to ask Max questions about his music, which had endeared Max to the older man.

Max knelt down and unzipped the zipper, revealing Adam's death-frozen face. "As you can see, my previous identification was correct. Of potential importance to your investigation is the presence of this hood covering his head which I have partially lifted, covering a crudely written message on his forehead, containing one word…'traitor'. I will need to get the body back to the lab, but it appears that the victim…Adam…died of a single gunshot wound to the chest, fired at point blank range. If I may presume, I would say possibly Yakuza. It fits the profile of other victims I've seen in the past."

Max cleared his throat, and Steve placed a hand on his arm. "Thanks, Max. We appreciate you calling us in person."

Max nodded and turned away from the two men, needing a moment to compose himself before finishing his work so that he could get Adam back to the lab and complete his portion of the investigation.

Stepping away from the scene, Danny and Steve shared a glance. There was no way to ever prepare for something like this. How were they going to look Kono in the eye and tell her that Adam was gone; taken in such a horrific manner? The two of them were in a really good place…they had gotten engaged three months before, and were happily immersed in planning their wedding. Now, her life was about to be blown to hell and there was nothing any of them could do to stop it from happening.

Danny took a breath. "I'm going on instinct here, but I'm guessing that the Yakuza weren't too happy that Adam had gone legit? This investigation is going to get messy…you know that, right?"

Steve nodded as they moved back towards the car. "Yeah…this whole situation is going to get messy. I hate saying this, but I'm not worried about that right this minute. We both know that we won't find anything concrete to tie them to this hit. We do need to get back to the Palace, though…Kono deserves to hear this in person."

Danny agreed and they quickly drove back to headquarters. While they were waiting for Chin and Kono to return, they got to work compiling a list of potential Yakuza suspects. They didn't have to search hard, as these names had come up in crimes past.

Without warning, Kono bounced into the room. "Hey guys…Chin's on his way with lunch. I hope Thai is okay."

Her enthusiasm waned as she caught sight of the expression on Steve's face. Her stomach sank as she saw the matching look on Danny's face. "What's wrong? What is it?"

Steve and Danny shared a quick glance before Steve stepped forward. "Why don't you come into my office and have a seat?"

Whatever this was, it wasn't good; and just the idea of being in an enclosed office automatically had her feeling trapped. "No. Just tell me. Whatever it is, just tell me."

Steve took a deep breath and wiped his hands on his cargo pants. "We got a call from Max today about a body, and when we got there, he confirmed it. Sweetheart, it was Adam. He's gone."

Kono tilted her head, not quite making sense of what Steve had said. She looked at him in denial. "That's not funny, Steve. It's not _fucking_ funny at all!"

Danny took a step towards her, causing Kono to step back. "Babe…"

Kono shook her head frantically as her breath hitched. Somewhere along the line, her body was struggling to understand and to react to what Steve had told her, and she was quickly ramping up to panic mode. "No…no, no, no, no, no…"

Without warning, she lashed out towards Steve, who was closer. She landed a punch square against his chest before turning and stumbling. She lost her balance and crashed into the corner of the computer table, her ribs bearing the brunt of her weight. She scrabbled to regain her footing, but her momentum had her off balance.

Before she could hit the ground, Danny caught her, sinking carefully to the floor as he braced her back against his chest. "Ssshhh, Kono…I've got you. Just breathe for me. Can you do that, yeah?" He rocked slowly back and forth as she shook and fought in his arms, her sobs tearing through him like a knife.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched his teammate shatter. He knew the anguish that she was feeling, and wished that he could take it away from her. Her cries transported him back to the night he found out his mother had died – Mary sounded much the same way as she broke down at the news.

"Steve?" Chin's voice was strangled as he caught sight of his cousin crumpled on the floor in Danny's arms.

Steve pulled him a few feet away from Kono and shook his head. "Max called about a body drop, and when we got there, he positively identified that it was Adam. We're guessing Yakuza, based on some preliminary evidence."

"God…" Chin trailed off and turned back to where Kono had suddenly gone silent.

Steve just squeezed his shoulder – there were no words that would make any of this easier on any of them.

"Kono? Babe?" Danny reached for her wrist and frowned at how thready her pulse had become.

"Danny?" Steve jogged over to where Danny had placed her directly onto the floor.

"I think she's in shock." Danny rushed to grab a blanket from his office, while Steve fashioned a cushion to prop her feet up. His emergency field medicine training kicked in, and he quickly grabbed a baseline pulse and respiration rate. All Chin could do was move up towards her head, whispering comforting words in Hawaiian, hoping that she could hear him.

"Kono sweetheart…wake up." Chin lightly tapped her cheeks, hoping it would make her stir, but she stayed still as stone.

"We should get her checked out. Do we call an ambulance or drive her in?" Danny was worried at how pale she was and knew that her body was fighting the stress of the news with everything it had. Physiological shock was very real, and Kono could go downhill quickly, if they weren't careful.

Steve snatched his phone from his pocket. "I'll call for a bus…just keep an eye on her." He stepped away to call EMS, while Danny went to her office to grab her purse.

Within minutes, the paramedics were there and had readied Kono for the trip to the hospital. Her pulse was off the charts, while her blood pressure had bottomed out. They quickly had placed an IV, and had her on oxygen to help combat her symptoms. Chin felt like he should ride with her, while Steve and Danny followed behind.

By the time they had parked the truck and headed inside the ER, Chin was pacing the waiting room. He looked at his coworkers with a distraught look on his face. "What the hell happened?"

Steve guided him to a bank of chairs that were a bit isolated and the three sat down. "All we know so far is that it looks like an execution. He had a bag over his head, and Max said he had the word 'traitor' written on his forehead. I know I initially questioned the validity of his claims to be legitimate, but we all checked him out, and he has had no connection at all to the Yakuza in the past three years."

Danny shook his head. "Whatever we believe doesn't matter. It appears that the Yakuza are using Adam to send a message to anyone who thinks they can just leave the business…and Kono is now caught in the crossfire."

The three sat lost in their thoughts until a familiar tortured scream brought them to their feet. They immediately headed through the doorway and into the room where Kono was being treated.

"No! It's not fair! I didn't know! I never had a chance to tell him! He should have had a chance to know, damn it! I need to let him know…I need to…I need…" She was sitting up on the gurney with tears streaming down her face, her body shaking in anguish.

Chin immediately rushed to her side, while Steve and Danny moved towards the doctor. While Chin did his best to comfort Kono, Steve turned to the doctor. "Doc? What happened?"

Dr. Ruiz had treated various members of the team at one point or another, and normally felt comfortable filling them in, but he honestly was at odds over sharing this news with them. However, given everything that he had learned over the past twenty minutes, he felt it best that Kono have a strong support system in place. She would need it, to say the least.

Danny worried as he caught sight of the monitor blaring over Kono's head. Chin was trying to calm her down, but wasn't having much luck.

"I know you all have given consent in the past to share information with one another, but this is a bit more sensitive. That being said, Kono is going to need your support to get through the next weeks and months. When she came in, she was guarding her ribs, and had some fairly extensive bruising."

Danny shook his head. "Yeah, she lost her balance and stumbled, hitting the corner of the computer table with her ribs."

Dr. Ruiz nodded. "That makes a little more sense, then. Not knowing that, we did an ultrasound to see if we could see anything abnormal that would warrant further testing, and that was when we discovered that she is pregnant…our OB resident estimates approximately ten weeks."

Steve looked and saw that Chin heard the news as well, and turned back to the doctor. "What happened next?"

Dr. Ruiz blew out a breath. "She started coming around during the ultrasound, and the resident assumed that she knew, which obviously was not the case. That's partly on me for not telling him of the circumstances of her arrival into the ER. Regardless, she became quite upset at the news…or the timing of the news, which is understandable. I don't want to have to sedate her, but having her so anxious is not good for her or the baby. She's been through quite the shock, and her body needs a chance to rest and regroup."

Danny blinked to clear the moisture from his eyes, his forlorn expression identical to that of his teammates. This whole situation was beyond fucked up. "So what happens now?"

Dr. Ruiz glanced at the monitors and then at Kono before shaking his head and making his decision. Her vital signs were all over the place, and he needed to get her calmed down before she made herself sicker. "I'm going to give her a light sedative, and then I'd like to admit her for at least the next 48 hours. Right now, her pregnancy is strong, and I'd really like to keep it that way. Grief is a horrible thing in the best of circumstances…but I think we can all agree that these are not good circumstances at all. I just want to make sure she's as okay as she can be before sending her home."

With that, he strode over to where Kono was still on the edge of being hysterical. In Chin's arms, she kept murmuring that Adam didn't know, and that she had to find him and tell him. It was almost more than any of the team could take.

Dr. Ruiz drew up the sedative and injected it into the IV port, and within a minute, Kono had relaxed enough for Chin to set her back against the pillow. He stood up and wiped his eyes looking absolutely wrecked. "I'm going to…I'll just…I'll be back, okay?"

Steve nodded in understanding. Kono was his cousin. She was important to all of them, but Chin was blood family, and was taking this hard, especially with his own fairly recent journey through grief. "Why don't I run back to headquarters and grab the emergency bag from her office." The team had all taken to keeping an overnight bag packed in each of their offices – there was no telling when a case might stretch out over a day or two, and there had been times when they had appreciated having clean clothes to change in to.

Danny nodded. "If you see Chin outside, see if he'll go with you. It might do him some good to get away from here – clear the memories for a bit. I'll stay with Kono, and will text you when they move her to a room."

Steve agreed and headed through the curtained off area in search of his teammate. Danny dropped his head to stretch his neck before toeing a three-wheeled stool over and sitting next to the gurney. He picked up Kono's hand, shocked at how cold it was. Seeing a blanket warmer in the corner, he grabbed one and carefully tucked it around Kono's shoulders and arms, retaking his position at her side.

He knew Kono was tough, but this was almost too much to stomach. How was she supposed to get through this? The best analogy he could come up with nearly had his stomach turning inside out – the idea of something happening to Grace was the closest he could come to imagining Kono's grief, and he didn't even want to put that out there in the universe.

And then to have a new baby to think about? At least having a baby was something he knew about. He vowed then and there to be there for Kono as much as she would let him – and even when she _wouldn't_ let him. Women had babies on their own all the time – but as long as he was alive, no friend of his would ever have to go through that alone.

Approximately fifteen minutes passed before Dr. Ruiz came into the room. "Danny? We're going to be moving Kono to a room. She's going to go up to the OB floor, room 417." Danny nodded, and as the nurse came in to ready Kono for transport, Danny took a few seconds to text Steve and let him know.

He made sure that he had Kono's personal belongings and stood and followed the nurse into the hallway. The ride in the elevator was made in silence, and Danny appreciated the lack of mindless small talk. When they wheeled the gurney to Kono's room, Dr. Ruiz was there, talking with the OB who would be taking over Kono's care while she was a patient.

Dr. Lau was a tiny young woman who immediately put Danny's worry at ease for the time being. Maybe it was the care she took in getting Kono settled herself, and not leaving it solely in the hands of the nursing staff. Maybe it was the way she listened intently to Dr. Ruiz and his report. Maybe it was just his gut instinct telling him that she wouldn't just treat Kono as a case, but as an actual person. Regardless, as she approached him, he felt a palpable sense of relief.

"Detective? I'm Dr. Lau. I'll be taking care of Ms. Kalakaua and wanted to hear from you what happened, and what your concerns are."

Danny reached out and shook her hand. "First off, it's Danny…Williams. And she'd want you to call her Kono. You'll meet the rest of the team later – her cousin Chin Ho Kelly, and her boss Steve McGarrett. We're Five-0 – the Governor's Task Force, if that means anything to you."

Dr. Lau smiled. "Thank goodness I know you all in name, only."

Danny grinned. "Good thing then. Anyway, Steve and I got a call this morning about a body, which happens in our line of work. When we got there, though, we discovered that it was Kono's fiancé, Adam. He had been murdered. She wasn't with us at the time, but when she returned to the office, we had to be the ones to tell her. She went into shock, and after initially being very upset, she passed out. She hit her ribs when she stumbled, but I caught her before she could fall and hit her head. After she was brought in, they did the ultrasound and discovered she was pregnant. She hadn't known, and finding out was another big shock, and Doc had to sedate her to get her to settle."

Danny ran a frustrated hand through his hair, and Dr. Lau knew that he was struggling to keep himself under control. "Danny, look. I know you probably feel like you're spinning in circles right about now. But I really think that with time, and with the support that you obviously seem willing to give her, Kono will be fine. I won't lie to you…it's going to be rough on her. It will get much worse for her emotionally before it starts to get better. She's not only going to have to grieve the loss of her fiancé, but come to grips with the pregnancy, and not being able to share that with…Adam, was it?"

At Danny's nod, she placed a hand on his arm. "Just be there for her, even when she may not want anyone to be. Support her…surround her with love, and she'll come back to herself in time. I'll take care of the medical stuff while she's here, so you can focus on the emotional."

Danny smiled tremulously. He wasn't sure why he was so emotional, other than it flat out _sucked_ that this had happened to Kono. She had started out like his little sister on the team, but over the years of working together, their friendship had developed into one of mutual respect and trust.

"Thanks, doc. I appreciate it." He reached out and shook her hand before turning to where Kono was starting to sporadically show a bit more movement. Although he really wanted to see her awake, he knew it would bring a whole new set of anguish to his friend. So why did he feel like a complete ass for hoping she'd stay unconscious for just a bit longer?

He pulled up a chair, sitting next to the bed for the next hour before he finally caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Kono's head was starting to twitch as she looked like she was dragging her way through the rest of the sedative.

After a few more seconds of restlessness, she jackknifed with a strangled, "No!" She was struggling to catch her breath as her eyes darted around the room. Finally, her confused gaze landed on Danny as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"Kono, you're okay. You're okay, now." Danny spoke softly, not wanting to spook her any more than she already was. Chin and Steve had texted to let Danny know that they had gone to talk to Kono's parents while Danny was staying with Kono.

Her parents had never liked Adam, and they acted as though Kono had betrayed them by choosing him. Steve and Chin weren't sure what kind of reception they would have, or whether the Kalakauas would even care about the news.

"Try to take some deep breaths." Danny nodded as she attempted to steady her breathing. "That's good, babe. That's really good."

Kono took in the details of the room as she sunk back against the pillows. She was in a hospital, judging by the array of equipment near her bed. She tried to focus on her teammate sitting in the chair next to her bed. Something wasn't quite right. Why wouldn't Danny look her in the eyes?

"Danny, what happened?" She took in the worried look on his face and felt her heart sink. Vaguely, she could hear the heart monitor speed up. She was trying to avoid a full-fledged panic attack, but was having very little success. She noticed the sad look on Danny's face, and all she could do was shake her head in silent anguish. His silence spoke volumes.

"No…no…no." Each no was punctuated by a fist against the mattress. "Danny, no. Adam's okay, right? He was supposed to meet me at the Palace. We were going to go to Maui for the weekend. He's okay, right?" She had heard Steve's explanation earlier, but was hoping it was all a nightmare. She looked Danny in the eyes and pleaded with her friend to rescue her from the hell that she was slowly drifting towards.

Danny hadn't always been a fan of Adam's, but he would have given his right arm to be able to tell Kono that her fiancé was okay, but he just couldn't. "Kono, I need you to calm down, okay? I'll tell you what I know, but you have to calm down, or they are going to sedate you again."

Kono nodded through her tears. She took a shallow, shuddering breath and wiped her eyes.

"Kono. Steve and I were there. Max confirmed it. Adam's gone."

Kono felt like she had been kicked in the gut. Nothing could have prepared her for the pain of having her soul ripped in half. She clasped both hands over her mouth, trying to stop the torrent of tears and sobs that were threatening to burst forth. She drew her knees up, not caring that that motion sent searing pain through her injured ribs. Even though she knew he wouldn't care, she didn't want Danny to see that she was losing her fight to keep from breaking down. She closed her eyes, rocking back and forth in an attempt to feel anything but anguish.

Vaguely, she felt the bed shift next to her as Danny's arms wrapped gently around her. That simple comfort was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "Danny, why? Why?" She repeated that one word, over and over in the midst of her grief. Danny simply gathered her closer, his heart breaking for his friend.

"I don't know, babe. I just don't know." He continued to rock her soothingly, until he felt her grow limp in his arms. Mindful of her ribs, he gently laid her back against the pillows.

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	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you so much for the response to the first chapter...it completely blew me away! I liken this story to a roller coaster - there will be lots of ups and downs before the ride comes to a complete stop. I lost my dad almost three years ago, so many of Kono's reactions were mine as well...write what you know, right? This next chapter is a long one - they won't all be like that, but breaking it into two short chapters just didn't feel right to me. I hope you enjoy._

_I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended._

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The next couple of days passed slowly for Kono. Her health was stable, as was her baby's. The emotional aspect of things was another story, however. She was starting to get pissed at everyone who came into her room. The damn nurses kept bringing her trays of food, but she left them untouched. Didn't they know that the mere thought of food nearly made her sick? She heard their whispers, but didn't care what they did to her. She just wanted everyone to leave her alone.

She tried bargaining with anyone who would listen. Just please bring Adam back and she would do whatever they asked of her. She would change. She would become a better person, if only Adam would come back. But Adam never came back. Finally, she gave up. She fell into a fitful sleep, where Adam was alive in her dreams. A dark secret that had taken hold in her mind was that sometimes, she wished she would never wake up.

When she awoke, the shadows had shifted against the wall. She glanced around the room, disoriented. She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to make sense of things. Her eyes were gritty and felt like they had sand in them. Whispers of the conversation between her and Danny tormented her once again. Adam was gone. _Gone_.

A knock on the door broke through her haze. Staring as the door opened, she turned away from the figure approaching the bed. She didn't want to talk; she just wanted to be left alone. It was why she had essentially told everyone to get the hell out of her room.

"Hello, Kono. It's good to see you awake." The kind face of Dr. White peered down at the figure gazing out the window. The staff psychologist placed a dinner tray on the table next to Kono's bed.

Kono knew that she was being a bitch, but she wanted to be alone. Alone with the thoughts that she knew would torture her, but they were thoughts of Adam, and frankly, were the only thing she had left of him right now.

Dr. White took no offense at Kono's posture. She pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "Kono, I know that you are going through a terrible ordeal right now. I also know that you are handling things the best way that you feel you know how. But you can't keep shutting yourself off from the people who love you. I understand you've asked that no visitors be allowed in. I have to say that I do not think it's a good idea. It's not good for you…"

Kono slowly turned to face Dr. White. "Not good for me? Not good for me? How dare you tell me what's good for me? The man that I love is gone. Not gone like he went to work and he'll be back soon, but gone like he's never coming back again." Kono's voice broke. "So Dr. White, you know what? You don't _get_ to tell me how I'm supposed to react to Adam's death. You don't _get_ to tell me what's right and wrong about what I feel. Just get the hell out! Leave me alone!"

Kono grabbed the tray of food and flung it at the door, barely flinching at the loud crash that it made. At the noise, two nurses and Danny came running into the room, barely avoiding the puddle of soup on the floor. Kono sat in the middle of the bed breathing heavily, tears streaming down her face.

Nobody moved for a moment, the silence permeated by the steady drip of something—soup or tea, perhaps—dripping onto the floor. Finally, one of the nurses got a towel and started to mop up the mess. Danny turned to see Dr. White checking Kono's chart.

Danny pleaded with her quietly. "Dr. White, please. Can I have a minute with her alone?"

Dr. White nodded. "Okay, but I just don't want her hurting herself…or the baby…any further. She's refusing all food, and hasn't eaten in two days. Detective Williams, I don't want to have to sedate her or find an alternate way of giving her nutrition, but I have to look out for more than just her health here, understand?"

Danny nodded. With that, Dr. White motioned for the nurses to leave the room, and shut the door behind her on her way out.

Danny looked at the crumpled mess that was his friend, and his heart broke. How could he help her, when it seemed like she was giving up. He approached the bed cautiously, glancing to see if there was anything else that Kono could throw. Finding nothing, he sat quietly, letting Kono choose when and how to make the first move.

They sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Danny could sense that Kono was staring at him. He turned to see her chocolate-colored eyes brimming with tears once again.

"Danny, I'm sorry. Everyone tells me that I should be feeling this or feeling that, but you know what? Most of the time, all I feel is sad and empty. I'm sorry that I'm not handling things the way that everyone thinks that I should, but Danny, I can't do this. He was the one, you know? I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him."

Danny reached his hand out and placed it gently on her shoulder. He could feel her shivering, even though the room was at a comfortable temperature. He stood and pulled the bedspread from the foot of the bed and wrapped it around her shoulders. Once he was satisfied, he sat back on the bed, facing her.

"Kono, I know you're lost without him. But you're forgetting one thing. Ohana. You and Steve and Chin taught me about that when I wanted to get the fuck off of this pineapple infested hellhole. You all kept at it until I finally understood what that meant. You are not alone, babe. There is no doubt about the shittiness that is this situation. But we are here for you…you do not have to go through this on your own."

He wasn't sure she was really hearing him, but had to keep trying. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you have to figure out a way to survive. Concentrate on the next minute, then the next hour, but figure out a way." Danny's voice was rough. "You just lost Adam. Don't let us lose you, too. You have to take care of yourself…and your baby…you have to find a way to try. Please?"

It was the way that he said 'please' that got to Kono. She reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards her. She wrapped her arms around his middle, and buried her face into his chest, craving the comfort her friend provided. "Danny, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Danny rubbed gentle circles along her back, and felt her tears soak through his shirt. He simply let her cry, knowing that the dam had finally sprung a leak.

He caught sight of Steve standing in the doorway and shook his head. She was far from better, but was glad that she felt comfortable enough around them to let her guard down. Danny knew that she prided herself on being able to compartmentalize her emotions, but he knew that there was not a compartment in the world big enough for the crap that she was going to have to go through.

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Over the next full day, Kono managed to eat just enough to keep everyone off of her back. She hadn't thrown anyone else out of her room, and there were whispered mumblings about finally sending her home. She really didn't care where she went, but wanted to leave the hospital. The walls kept feeling like they were closing in on her. She longed to be near the ocean, which had always been something that she and Adam had shared – whenever life got in the way, they always managed to find time to get to the water and recharge themselves.

The next night, Danny found Kono curled up in a ball, staring at the wall in front of her. He was getting really worried about her. She barely ate. She rarely spoke, unless it was a one or two word answer. He couldn't remember the last time she had gotten any semblance of good sleep. She hardly cried any more, which was what concerned him the most. She had never been what he would call emotional, but right now, she had completely shut down. He knew that that couldn't be good for her or for the baby.

He stood in the doorway, lost in thought. Dr. White had given him some information on grief after loss. He could tell that Kono had touched on a few of the stages, but had yet to really work through anything. Right now, she merely existed; and that was saying a lot.

They had talked at length about sending her home, but no one wanted to send her home on her own. Too much alone time was not going to be good for her. Danny reassured Dr. White that the team all lived nearby, and would spend most of their time with her; helping her heal…it was their promise to Adam, who truly had broken from the Yakuza, and had gotten caught in the middle of a pissing contest that he could not win.

Danny shook himself out of his reverie before he knocked on the doorframe. He didn't have Grace for a few more days, so he had volunteered to take the night shift at the hospital. The one thing Steve had been adamant about was that Kono would not be alone…one of the team would stay with her around the clock. They had to insist that Chin give up a shift or two, knowing his propensity to go until he dropped, especially since it was Kono who was hurting.

After his knock, Kono made no effort to greet him, so he came in and pulled his tie off, tossing it onto the end of the bed. He plopped down into the chair and leaned forward, his chin in his hands. After what felt like an eternity, he noticed Kono shifting in the bed. Slowly, she turned to face him.

"Danny, he's not gone, right? Right?" She sounded so lost and afraid, it nearly broke his heart. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Kono, I wish with everything that I have that he would come back, but he's gone. I'm so sorry…" With that, he reached out and gathered her into a tight embrace. He hoped that she would absorb whatever strength he could offer her. They sat like that until he could hear muffled mumbling coming from his chest. He pulled back to look at her, his eyes comforting. He waited to see if she would repeat herself.

She whispered softly, her eyes on the blanket. "I haven't even said the word. I was afraid if I said it out loud, that it would be true…that he would really be gone. I didn't want to admit to myself that he really died. Danny, why did he have to die?" Her voice choked on that last word.

He reached out and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "I don't know, babe. I just don't know."

Kono reached up and grasped onto one of his hands, squeezing tightly. She looked up despondently. "Am I a bad person? Did I do something wrong?"

Danny firmly placed his finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Kono, this isn't your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. You are the sweetest, most compassionate person I know. Adam was absolutely crazy about you."

Kono shook her head. "Danny, I don't want him to be gone. I want him to come back and hold me, and tell me that everything is going to be all right. I want to see him smile at me, and I want to look into his eyes and see our future. I want him to see his baby being born. I just want…" Kono couldn't go on. She was overcome by painful sobs; sobs that tore through her heart.

Danny took his familiar place next to her, gathering her into his arms. He murmured soothing words into her ear, hoping that she would settle on her own. He knew that she needed to have some control over her grief, and sedating her would only make things worse for her. He knew how much she hated losing control.

Eventually, her sobs were replaced by an occasional hitched breath. She took the tissue that Danny held out, wiping her eyes gently. She lay back against the pillows wearily. "God, I'm sorry. Just when I think I might be able to grasp all of this, I go off." She let out a tortured sigh. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."

She sat up suddenly, her hand over her mouth. Danny hurriedly reached for the garbage can, hoping there was no sympathy puking in his future. Kono shook her head. "Oh God, Danny. The funeral. I have to plan the funeral. There are people to call; I've got to make arrangements. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm going crazy."

Danny wrapped his arms more securely around her. "Hey, hey…stop. You're not crazy. You've tried to hold everything together. It's simply too much for anyone to go through alone. You have to give yourself a break, here. Chin, Steve and I will help with the arrangements. You don't have to do anything tonight, though. Just get some rest."

She sat in silence for a while before whispering, "I'm afraid, Danny. I don't know how to do this on my own. I don't think I can."

Danny kissed the side of her head. "Sweetheart, you're not alone. You've got all of us in your corner, and you don't ever have to worry about that again. I promise you that."

0-0-0-0-0

Kono finally was released the next morning, provided that someone would be able to stay with her. Danny, Steve, and Chin had all volunteered, since they loved Kono and they all lived nearby. They knew, though, that all three of them would be overwhelming, to say the least.

Kono couldn't help it – she loved Chin, and he was her cousin…one of the people she loved the most in the world. But right now, he was almost too close. She just didn't know if she could handle his worry for her right now, and she didn't want to see his own grief reflecting in his eyes. It hadn't been that long ago that he lost Malia, and she knew this would be equally hard on him.

Steve was her boss – granted, he was her friend as well, but she didn't want him to look at her differently if he were to see her break down.

Danny was…well, he was just Danny. He was a good friend, and someone who would be in her corner, no questions asked. He was also strangely the calmest of the three of them in this particular situation, so ultimately, Danny was the one tasked to bring her home and stay for a couple of days.

He helped her into the wheelchair, and maneuvered his way to the exit. Chin had brought his SUV, figuring it would be easier to get in and out of. Steve and Chin were waiting as Danny pushed the wheelchair outside. Carefully, he helped her into the front seat and buckled her seatbelt.

Danny and Steve climbed into the back, depositing her bag on the floor in between them. The short drive was made virtually in silence. Kono dozed off practically as soon as they left the hospital. They stopped briefly to fill her prescription for prenatal vitamins. Danny and Chin ran into the store for the vitamins and some groceries, while Steve chose to stay in the car with his friend. He watched her sleep, his heart heavy. This had to be killing her. He didn't doubt that she would be okay, but knew that the road ahead would be filled with twists and turns.

Before too long, the two returned with the prescription and a few bags of supplies. They all knew that Kono still wasn't eating much, but he wanted to make sure she had a few things on hand that she liked. They didn't know whether the pregnancy would like them, but they had to try. Once everyone was settled again, Chin started the car and headed for Kono's house.

Parking in front of the driveway, Chin turned the engine off. He placed a hand on Kono's shoulder, gently trying to awaken her. She took a deep breath before slowly opening her eyes. For a brief moment, she had a look of hope in her eyes. "Adam?"

Chin steeled himself against the disappointment that was sure to follow. "No, ipo. It's me. We're home now."

Kono's face fell. "God, Chin. I'm sorry. It's just…when I felt your hand…for just a moment it felt like he was here with me." Her eyes filled with tears.

Chin simply reached over and hugged her as gently as he could, while Steve and Danny came around and opened her door. When she was ready to step out, Steve let her hold onto him for support, and led her towards the door.

Danny opened the door, while Steve helped her sit down on the couch. Chin brought in her bag and set it next to the couch before heading to the kitchen. Danny placed her bag in her room, and came out to sit next to her. Chin walked out from the kitchen with a glass of milk. He handed it to Kono, before sitting in front of her on the coffee table.

"What do you need, Kono? What can I do?"

Kono blinked sluggishly before looking at her cousin. "I don't know, Chin."

He squeezed her knee, understanding just how lost she was feeling.

"Guys, can you stay here for a bit? I need to run and get a few things from my house, and check in on Grace." Danny wanted Grace to understand that Kono needed him for a little bit…as much as a ten-year-old could understand, anyway.

Steve and Chin both nodded. "Take your time. We're good."

Danny threw one arm over Kono's shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Kono nodded. She was a little afraid at how much she had come to depend on her teammates in the last few days. They were such good friends to her; she wasn't sure how she could ever repay them. She hated depending on anyone, but a part of her knew that she couldn't get through this alone.

_Alone_. Kono knew that she was truly alone now. Yeah, she had her family and her friends, but Adam Noshimuri was the other half of her heart. He had proven to be a good man, despite what many people thought of him.

She hadn't told anyone, but she didn't know if she wanted to go on without him. It would be so easy to just slip away…she knew ways that would be quick…and then she could be with him again. One thing stopping her was knowing that Adam would be disappointed in her if she took the easy way out. He would want her to fight and be strong. She also couldn't bear the thought of crushing Chin or Danny or Steve like that. But what about what she wanted? She just wanted to have him back…to feel his lips on hers; to feel his heart beating next to hers again. But she was tempted…so very tempted.

Kono felt someone brushing away the tears that she hadn't even realized were trickling down her cheeks. She looked up with watery eyes. "Chin…?"

With that one word, Kono was in his arms. She felt like a little girl again, protected by her older cousin. All Chin could do was rock her gently, knowing how torn up she must be feeling inside. He knew that she hated grieving…she absolutely hated losing control. He whispered what he hoped would be healing words into her ear. "Shhh, Kono. It's going to be okay. You don't have to be strong right now. Just let us help you. Shhh, ipo. It's okay."

Finally, sheer exhaustion allowed Kono to fall into a fitful sleep. Chin laid her gently down on the couch and covered her with a light blanket. He hoped that she would sleep for a while. They all knew that she hadn't eaten or slept with any regularity since she had found out about Adam. As he lightly stroked her hair, he watched as her face displayed a gamut of emotions, and knew that she was dreaming.

_Kono's heart flipped as Adam's hand stroked lazily up and down her back. The dress she had chosen for their date was essentially backless, and she was feeling every single pass of his fingertips on her skin._

_She tucked her head more securely underneath his chin and sighed as he nuzzled the top of her head. "I love you…you know that, right?" Adam never wanted a day to go by where Kono had reason to doubt that she was it for him…she was the woman he had been searching for. _

_As he kissed her temple and moved towards her full lips, his breath caught as she tilted her face up to meet his kiss. She was stunning, and he was beyond blessed to have her in his life. He met her halfway, and as their lips connected, the spark was almost palpable._

_Kono could barely breathe as she was swept away in the sensations that Adam brought out in her. She allowed herself to float in the strength of his arms wrapped tightly around her. She wished this feeling would last forever. _

_Forever…_

_Forever…_

_Adam was gone forever…_

Kono slowly opened her eyes and met the worried gaze of her cousin and her boss.

Steve's eyes were kind. "Are you okay? You looked like you were dreaming."

Kono struggled to sit up, trying not to wince at the stiffness. It seemed that her body couldn't separate the physical pain from the emotional pain. Chin helped her the rest of the way before scooting closer.

"Chin, can I ask you something? Steve, maybe you too?" Kono wasn't sure if she should ask this, she had to know…to know what to expect, perhaps?

Chin and Steve both nodded, their curiosity piqued.

Kono took a deep breath before turning to face Chin. "How did you…I mean…what was it like when Malia died? Or Steve, when your parents died? I mean, Chin, I know how much you let me see, but I also know that you hid a lot from everyone. And Steve, I know how hard you took everything that happened. How did you get through it?"

Steve sighed. He had a feeling that Kono would ask this. He didn't see the necessity of talking about something that had happened so long ago, but in all actuality, hadn't _really_ happened at all, at least for his mom. He also knew that she needed to hear his answer to this. She deserved to hear how he had handled things so badly.

"Kono, when I thought my mother had died, I was devastated. I couldn't rely on my dad, because he was lost in his own grief. I remember feeling like nothing would ever be the same…would ever be okay again. I did the only thing I could think of to do – I threw myself into school, and then into my career…at the expense of the people around me. I refused to let people in for fear that they would just leave like my parents did. It took a long time before I understood what it meant to trust someone."

Kono nodded; her face solemn.

Chin cleared his throat. "I have a lot of regrets about how I reacted when Malia died. The biggest one being how I pushed everyone away. I thought I had to be strong…I thought I had to hide how I really felt. I went about things completely the wrong way, Kono. You have to promise me something. You have to promise me that you won't shut everyone out like I did. I can't promise you when, but in time, things will start to look better. You just have to figure out a way to survive the moments in between."

The moment was broken by a knock at the door. While Kono tried to compose herself, Steve moved to open the door. He ushered Danny into the house and moved back towards the couch.

"Kono, just try to remember what we said, okay? You're not alone in this."

Kono nodded as Chin leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I'll try…I promise, I'll try."

The two hugged Danny briefly before they let themselves out. Satisfied that Kono was okay for the moment, Danny puttered around in the kitchen before returning with a plate filled with assorted cheeses and crackers. He didn't want to force her to eat, but knew that she needed _something_ in her system. He sat down next to her, balancing the plate on the couch cushion between them.

Kono glanced warily at the food. "Danny, I'm not…"

"…hungry, I know. Just humor me and eat something, okay?"

Meeting her glare with a mock one of his own, Danny raised an eyebrow as she picked up a cube of cheese and a cracker. Once he was sure that she had actually eaten it, he busied himself with fixing his own snack. Over the course of the next half-hour, he was glad to see that she had eaten about a third of what he had put on the plate. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was a start.

He noticed her flinch as she shifted on the couch. He quickly took the plate to the kitchen, and returned with a couple of Tylenol and a bottle of water. In her discharge instructions, they did say that she could take that pain medication sparingly, but if she were to ever need anything stronger, to come back to the Emergency Room.

Holding out his hand, he reached to help her stand up. Once she was upright, he walked slowly with her to her bedroom. He occupied himself while she got ready for bed. He pulled the covers down and fluffed her pillow, keeping one ear open in case she needed help.

Once she was dressed for bed, he made sure that she took the pain relief and helped her get settled under the covers. He hoped that she would sleep soon. She mumbled sleepily as she tried to get comfortable. "Danny? Can you just stay until I fall asleep? I don't want to be alone."

Danny pulled a chair alongside the bed and sat down, his elbows on his knees. Kono tried to turn her body towards him, but ultimately settled for turning her head on the pillow. She murmured so softly that he had to lean forward to hear her.

"Thanks for being my friend, Danny. I couldn't do this without you."

Danny smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. "You never have to worry about that, babe. Ever."


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you all for the reviews and follows. I appreciate them so very much! _

_I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended._

0-0-0-0-0

The team made arrangements to have the memorial service in two days. Adam didn't have any family that they could reach, and Kono was just too emotionally distraught to plan much; so with her permission, Danny, Steve, and Chin handled the arrangements. Kono didn't know if she was relieved or angry that they took care of things. She wanted to help, but at the same time, she felt powerless to do anything.

They all understood her predicament, and encouraged her to participate as much as she felt able to. Danny could tell that she was hovering on the edge of frustration, however, when he noticed her trying to write something—Adam's eulogy, perhaps—and throwing draft after draft towards the garbage can. He knelt down in front of her and held her hands in his, while Steve flanked her on the couch. She had been at it most of the afternoon.

"Kono…hey, stop. It's okay. You don't have to do this right now."

Kono took a deep shuddering breath. "God, what if I don't say everything I want to say? What if I forget something? He deserves the best, and if I…" She closed her eyes in defeat. "Can I tell you guys something?"

Danny sat down on her other side. "Anything."

Kono stared down at her hands. "I really don't want to do this."

Steve nodded. "Of course you don't Kono…"

Kono held up her hand to stop him. "I don't want to do _this_, because _this_ means that he is really gone. When we come together in two days, it will be because we are saying good-bye. I don't want to…I don't know how to say good-bye to my fiancé, damn it."

This time, Steve pulled her so that her head was resting on his shoulder. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to tell you that it's okay, because it's not. I'm not going to tell you that it'll all be over soon, because it won't. What I will tell you is that I'm proud of the way that you are doing the best that you can. I'm proud of your devotion to Adam. He would be, too."

Kono wiped a solitary tear from her eye. "Thank you both, and if Chin were here I'd tell him the same thing. I know that I'm not the best company right now, but you have to know how much it means to me to know that you are here, even when I can't do anything but cry. All of you have been my rock through all of this."

She suddenly paled as the baby did its best to remind Kono that he or she was there. She was suddenly hit with a bout of nausea that had her running for the bathroom. She barely made it to her knees before she was vomiting into the toilet.

She thought that she should be mortified that she had puked in front of Danny and Steve, but right now, she couldn't make herself care. All she could focus on was keeping her stomach inside her body where it belonged.

She felt the back of her hair being lifted and a cool cloth being placed along her neck, and she sighed in relief. After a few more minutes of dry heaves, she was finally able to sit back onto her heels, although resting her head on her arms was about as much energy as she could muster.

Danny pressed a bottle of water into her hands. "Just rinse, for now. Steve is making you some tea…hopefully it'll settle your stomach."

She nodded and shut her eyes, leaning back against the edge of the claw-foot tub. Danny placed a second cloth on her forehead, and she opened one eye to see him kneeling next to her, with a very sympathetic look on his face. "Do you think you're ready to try to move? We can head back to the couch."

Kono took a breath and let it out, trying to decide whether the baby was going to cooperate just yet. It was funny to even think the word baby. She hadn't really thought much about the idea of her being pregnant – right now, there was just too much other emotion taking up space in her heart. She knew that she would have to come to terms with it eventually. She absolutely wanted this baby, although it was going to be a huge life change for her. How could she not love it? It was a mix of her and Adam. But for now, she had other things to deal with.

Stuffing the emotion back down inside, she turned to her friend. "I think so." She pulled herself to standing with Danny's help, and slowly made her way back to the couch. Steve was just coming out of the kitchen with a mug in his hand.

"Here you go, sweetheart. It has ginger in it, so hopefully it'll settle things down."

She was surprised to feel the warmth from the mug…to her recollection, she hadn't felt much of anything lately, so the heat was a bit startling. She tentatively sipped at the spicy liquid, grimacing as it burned its way down her throat.

"Just try a little and see if it stays down. You don't have to drink the whole thing, but even a little will help." Steve sat back down next to her on the couch, while Danny occupied her other side. Kono didn't even think about it, but slid down so that she could rest her head on the nearest shoulder, which happened to be Danny's.

She managed a few more sips of tea before handing the mug off to Steve. It was barely enough to survive on, but if her stomach cooperated, she would try something else later on.

0-0-0-0-0

Steve was cleaning up the kitchen, while Danny was keeping an eye on Kono. He carefully stood up to turn on a lamp, figuring they might need the light to help Kono chase the monsters away from dark recesses of her mind.

She had been dozing for the past fifteen minutes, but by the time he got back to the couch, however, he could tell that she was finally somewhat peacefully asleep. She had taken some more Tylenol for her headache, and had managed part of a small bowl of the soup he had made—bless his mother for teaching him the fine art of using the crock pot—and had fallen into a much needed sleep.

Steve stood in the doorway, smiling to finally see her resting. He figured she'd be more comfortable on her bed, so he gently scooped her up and carried her into her bedroom, while Danny locked up. He was a little shocked at how little she weighed. _Had she always been this skinny?_ He was understandably concerned about the weight that she had lost, and with good reason. As he laid her on the bed, he lightly covered her with the blanket, frowning at the gauntness to her features. He left a small light on in her bathroom, knowing that she hadn't really liked the dark much lately.

After making sure she was settled, Steve headed back out to the living room and let himself out. He shared his concerns over Kono and she was really doing, as well as firmed up tomorrow's plans to Danny, who had slumped into the couch cushions. After Steve had left, and the house was quiet, Danny had finally realized how tired he was himself. He had chosen the couch, preferring to be closer to Kono's room, in case she needed anything. He punched his pillow a few times to fluff it up before flopping onto his back. He stared at the patterns dancing on the ceiling, the movement eventually lulling him into a light doze.

After an entirely too short amount of sleep, Danny was awakened by the sound of whimpering coming from Kono's room. He instantly knew what it was, and got up quickly. As he came through the doorway, he could tell that something wasn't right.

Kono was turned onto her side, clutching the spare pillow. The problem was clearly written all over her face. The moonlight was reflecting on the shiny path of tears trickling down her cheeks. He couldn't tell if she was having a nightmare, or was just dreaming of happier times, but either way, he was certain that her thoughts were with Adam.

Danny moved to the side of the bed and tried to reposition her so that she was a little more comfortable. He pulled the chair back over and sat down, his body language reminiscent of the previous night. He lightly brushed her hair out of her face, noticing how she calmed almost immediately under his touch.

He wasn't brainless. He knew that her subconscious thought that he was Adam. He wasn't angry or upset at that whatsoever. He just realized that she craved anything that reminded her of Adam. He honestly wished that he could take all of this away. Hell, he wished none of it was there to begin with.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, he looked down at Kono. She seemed to have settled back to sleep once more. Rather than have to make the trek again, he decided to just get his pillow and blankets off of the couch and camp in her room. He couldn't begin to imagine what she was going through, but he guessed that her mind was starting the long process of accepting what had happened, although he knew that she still had a long way to go.

Danny had just settled into sleep on the floor at the foot of her bed when he became aware of the sound of panicked breathing. He sat up and looked over to see Kono sitting upright in the bed, her arm wrapped around her ribs. He jumped up and hurried to her side, turning the bedside table light on. "Kono?"

She looked around wildly. "Danny? Where is he? He was here. Adam was _here_."

Gingerly, he sat on the edge of the bed. He was fairly certain that Kono wasn't completely awake, and he didn't want to be in her way if she suddenly lashed out. He spoke soothingly, hoping the sound of his voice would settle her once again.

"Kono? It's okay. You're at your apartment."

She clutched at the sheet, still looking around the room. "Danny, he was here. He was talking to me; trying to tell me something, and then he just left. Where did he go?"

Danny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Kono, look at me." He waited until her eyes were focused on his. "Babe, you were dreaming. You're at home, in your own bed, okay?"

She shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes. "Danny, I'm sorry. It's just that…I miss him so much and…I could see him so clearly…" She took the tissue that he handed her and let him help her lay down again.

He turned the small light off and moved around to the other side of the bed; kicking his shoes off. He sat so that he was leaning against the headboard, pulling the sheet up so that Kono was covered. He shifted so that he was more comfortable, which must have made her think that he was leaving.

"Stay?" Her voice sounded so small, like a child who has forgotten how to trust.

"Of course. Now hush up and go to sleep. I've got to get my beauty rest, you know." He heard her breathing eventually shift into sleep, and let out a breath he didn't even know that he was holding. It was going to be a long night.

0-0-0-0-0

Kono woke up disoriented. She heard a strange rumbling sound coming from next to her. She glanced around slowly; noticing the sleeping form of Danny sprawled on the edge of the bed. He looked reasonably comfortable, flat on his back and snoring softly.

Kono again had tears in her eyes, but this time her heart felt something other than icy constriction. She felt somewhat safe, knowing that Danny, Steve, and Chin were looking out for her. For whatever reason though, Danny especially had been her anchor through this nightmare. She didn't know how she would ever repay him for his kindness. She smiled a tiny wry smile. The Danny she knew would never ask for repayment. He did the things he did, because that was the kind of man he was.

Danny was the protector; the guardian…it partially came from him being a dad and a big brother. She knew that he often used his volume to prevent most people from seeing who he really was, but deep down, she knew that he was so much more than just the _haole_ from New Jersey. He was one of the most loyal, trustworthy people that she knew. There was nothing that he wouldn't do for his friends, and she loved him for that.

She tried unsuccessfully to get out of bed without making noise. Her ribs seemed especially sore this morning. She effectively stifled a groan, but could not suppress the muttered curse that slipped past her lips. She was rewarded for her efforts by the troll-like bed head of Danny Williams as he sat up, trying to figure out where he was. It was not a pretty sight.

Danny jumped up to help her, self-consciously trying to flatten his hair with one hand. "Babe, wait. Let me help you, okay?"

Kono grimaced slightly before allowing Danny to tug her into a seated position. He helped her stand and made sure that she had her bearings before leading her to the bathroom. She closed the door to the small room that contained the toilet, the sink and the shower, leaving Danny to wait in the vanity area. Once she was finished, she poked her head out to check and see if he was still there. "I'm going to grab a quick shower, okay?"

Danny smiled and stepped forward to gather her into a warm hug. "I know that you aren't really hungry right now, but you've barely eaten enough to survive lately. Can I at least make you some toast for breakfast?"

Danny stared Kono down until she finally looked away. "Danny, I'll try. I _promise_ to try, but that's all I can do, okay?"

He nodded, his face relieved. "Babe, I know you're doing the best that you can do. Just don't get mad if I sometimes want to make you try harder. I just couldn't take it if anything else happened to you or the baby, okay?"

She nodded her assent, and then moved to shut the bathroom door. He eventually heard the water start running, so he quickly moved to the guest room where he had stashed his things. Grabbing clean clothes, he darted to the bathroom to change and clean up. He figured he'd hit the shower after breakfast.

Once he was finished, he paused to listen for any sounds of distress coming from her bathroom. Hearing none, he moved to the kitchen to start breakfast. He pulled out some bread, fruit and yogurt. He poured some juice and started the kettle to make some tea. He rummaged through the cabinets until he found a box of assorted herbal teas.

He didn't want to overwhelm her with food, but wanted to see that she ate something relatively healthy. He heard the water shut off, and knew she wouldn't be long.

It only took a few more minutes before she slowly made her way into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He poured some hot water into a mug and placed the box of tea bags on the table. He fixed two plates with toast and fruit, and placed a peach yogurt in front of her. He wasn't sure if she even liked yogurt, but knew it was good for the baby.

She smiled her thanks at him. She knew he was worried about her, but she just couldn't seem to make herself care. She was trying, but there were times when it just felt like it was too much—like she would rather sleep forever than try to function through the pain.

They ate their breakfast in silence. Neither one felt like engaging in small talk; each one appreciating the gesture. After Danny was satisfied that Kono had eaten enough—if you could call half a piece of toast, three pineapple chunks, and four bites of yogurt, (but hey, who was counting)—enough, he helped her move to the couch again.

Once she was situated, he told her that he was going to jump in the shower. He left her the phone and another mug of tea, then darted off to get his things from his overnight bag. After a quick shower, Danny tossed on some clean clothes. As soon as he came back into the room, he could tell that Kono was hurting. She was never one to complain, so he simply handed her the Tylenol and her mug of tea.

He sat on the coffee table in front of her. "Kono, are you okay? Do you need me to call a doctor?"

She shook her head slightly. "It's not just the ribs."

He glanced at her; understanding in his eyes. "You're worried about tomorrow; about the memorial service."

She nodded. "Danny, I don't want to fall apart. I don't want to watch everyone watching me break down. I don't want to know how many people are going to attend just so they could say that they told me he was no good. I hate that I can't be stronger than I am, but…"

Danny reached out and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes. "Kono, just stop. You need to hear this, and you need to really listen to me, okay? There is not one hard and fast rule of grieving that says that by the third day, you have to stop crying. Nothing says that you have to be a pillar of strength, worried about everyone else's feelings. Those people that are going to be there tomorrow knew and respected Adam. But you know what? They love you, too. They're not going to be focused on whether you cry or not. They're going to be celebrating the love that the two of you shared; that despite all of the factors working against you two, you had the kind of love that the rest of us only read about in fairy tales…not that I read fairy tales, mind you. You are going to be surrounded by your ohana – Steve, Chin, Max, Kamekona…me…we all are there for you, okay?"

She cracked a small smile, in spite of herself, which was quickly replaced by sadness. "Danny, when is it going to stop hurting so much?"

He moved so that he was sitting next to her on the couch, her head leaning on his shoulder. "I have no idea, babe. I really don't."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thank you to those who have taken time to review. I really appreciate it. _

_I don't own anything related to Hawaii Five-0 or CBS. No copyright infringement is intended._

0-0-0-0-0

The sun refused to shine on the morning of Adam Noshimuri's memorial service. The clouds were dismal and gloomy, much like the atmosphere inside Kono's house. Chin and Steve would be meeting them at the cemetery, and as he focused on the events of the day ahead of him, Danny felt like he was walking on eggshells, trying not to tip the scales of Kono's mood any farther towards sad than they already were.

At this point, Kono was completely consumed by her grief. Right now, she hated herself for not being able to do anything but feel the anguish that accompanied every moment of her day. She was so wrapped up in her own sorrow that she barely thought about the rest of her teammates. Somehow, she would make it up to them.

Kono and Danny dressed in silence, each one lost in their memories of Adam. Danny's thoughts were regret-filled, as he wished he had taken a little more time to know the Adam that Kono knew – instead of tolerating the Adam that he _thought_ he knew. He paced in the living room, anxious for Kono to finish getting ready; anxious to put this day behind him. Kono paced in her bedroom, dreading today with all of her might, not entirely sure that she could go through with it. She was starting to accept the fact that Adam was gone…but it made it that much harder. That meant that she didn't have her hopes to hold on to any longer.

Most of the time, she still felt like giving up. She spent the majority of her days on the verge of torrential tears, although she was getting pretty good at hiding it from people. She just didn't want everyone worried about her, on top of everything else. People had their own grief to bear; they didn't need to spend their time wondering if she was okay.

The first thing that she saw when she came out of the bedroom was Danny, pacing in front of the window. He had tissues sticking out of the pocket of his uniform, which brought a sad smile to her face. He was always looking out for her.

She approached him slowly, noticing the way he immediately opened his arms to her. For a moment, she felt awkward, but entered the sanctuary of his embrace gratefully, trying to absorb as much of his strength as she could. He seemed to hold on to her a little longer than normal, his own nervous apprehension coming to the surface for just a moment.

They rode in the car in silence, neither one in the mood for small talk. They approached the cemetery, thankful to Steve for making the security arrangements. Only those who had Kono's best interests at heart would be allowed at the service. The service was private, and anyone entering through the lone gate had to be cleared by HPD security. They had decided to combine the memorial service with the funeral, as it would have been too much of a risk to schedule them separately. There was no telling whether the Yakuza would try to make another statement.

There was a tent surrounding Adam's grave, with rows of chairs placed alongside. No one without prior clearance would get close. Steve had done this, allowing Kono to have the chance to say good-bye without prying eyes gleefully watching for the fallout.

Kono took her place next to Danny, and Chin and Steve on either side. They both were in uniform, out of respect for her. She didn't really care now, but knew that it would matter to her later. Her parents had made their choice not to attend, their lack of respect for Adam quite clear. The casket was closed, as Adam was in no shape to be seen following the Yakuza's carnage.

The service was brief, although anyone who wanted was given the opportunity to pay their respects to Adam, and show their support to Kono. Kamekona went first, and though his comments were concise, they were heartfelt. Adam had always shown great respect for local businesses, and supported Kamekona often. Max even tripped over a few words in appreciation of the man who valued his quirky nature without ridicule.

Chin was somber as he spoke of the regret he felt that Kono and Adam's story was cut short. His words may not have been very long in length, but they came from the heart; a sentiment which Kono grasped onto with all of her might.

Steve approached the podium and talked briefly about the happiness that Adam and Kono had shared, making the crowd smile in spite of their grief as he shared a story about the time that Adam had tried to teach Kono to cook. The resulting call to the fire department had yet to be lived down.

As he returned to his seat, he nodded at Danny to take his turn. The blonde slowly approached the podium with a lump in his throat as he caught sight of just how _lost_ Kono looked. He swallowed hard, regaining his composure. Taking a deep breath, he began. "I'd like to thank you all for coming today. It means a lot…"

He glanced over at Kono, noticing that she had her head down. Chin had wrapped his arm around her shoulders, while Steve had reached across and was holding her hand. "Adam Noshimuri was a good man who fought to break free from his past. People say that he would do anything for the people he loved, which is true. Kono, he was a very lucky man to have had you in his life – I know that you made his world a better place. It's not fair that he was taken so soon, but his legacy will live on, and I know that the Noshimuri name will be an honorable one again."

Danny looked briefly at the casket before returning to his seat. Before sitting down, he knelt in front of Kono, wiping away the tears that were trickling down her cheeks. She looked up at him with a watery gaze. He had to lean in to hear her whisper.

"Danny, I can't do this."

He held both of her hands in his. "Sweetheart, no one will make you do this, but _I'm_ asking you to do this. I don't want you to look back and regret not getting a chance to say what you wanted to say. Please?"

She bit her bottom lip, trying to calm the raging sea inside of her. Finally, she looked at her friend. "Go with me?"

He stood up and held out his hand, pulling her into a tight hug. "Of course, babe."

He slowly led her to the podium. He made sure that she was okay before stepping to the side, but he didn't return to his seat. Kono needed him, and he was going to make sure that he was there for her.

Kono stood with her head down, seemingly lost in her thoughts. Finally, she spoke softly. "First of all, thank you all for coming. It's comforting to know that Adam had so many people who cared about him." She paused to wipe her eyes. "To say that our relationship was different would be an understatement. There were so many obstacles in the beginning; it's hard to pick which was the biggest. Adam's past did not define him, and I'm grateful for that. I know that many say that people can't change, but Adam did – he truly did what he needed to do to make a better life for him and for me, at the expense of what his blood family thought of him. I'm not entirely sure how we got to where we were, but when all was said and done, I know that I was lucky enough to have met my soul mate."

She looked out past the crowd. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I called Adam my guardian angel. Knowing that he was in my life made me feel so safe and protected; like nothing bad would ever happen to me again. He made me a better person, as many of you can attest to. He was my strength; my hope and my love. He was the other half of my soul, and I miss him so…I miss him…"

Kono could no longer continue. She was overcome by her emotions and stood openly sobbing at the podium. Danny was beside her in a heartbeat, while Chin looked ready to pounce. Danny quickly pulled her into a protective embrace before leading her to her seat. She felt a tissue being placed into her hands. She wiped her eyes and felt Chin gather her into a light hug. She cried again as he whispered, "Adam loved you with everything he had. You made him happy, Kono…so very happy."

With that, Kono turned into Chin's embrace; Steve lightly rubbing her back. After a few moments, Kono was able to compose herself enough to finish the service. As things finished up, the men escorted Kono to the front, where they each took a rose and placed it on the casket. As they filed out to the back of the tent, the other mourners followed suit.

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Kono barely was aware of the people who came to console her. She was somewhat detached at that point. Danny kept a close eye on her, while speaking to Chin and Steve. Satisfied that all was in order, he moved to her side. He took her hand, startled at how cold she was.

"Kono?" When he got no response, he moved directly into her line of sight. "Rookie?"

Slowly, her eyes focused on him. "Danny?"

He drew her into his arms, lightly rubbing her back. "Are you ready to get out of here?"

She nodded against his chest. "Can we please go home now?"

Wordlessly, he led her to his car, nodding to Steve and Chin, who were still talking with Duke as they left. They motioned that they would be along shortly. Danny drove back to Kono's place quickly, knowing that she was hurting. She hadn't complained of any physical pain, but he knew that her heart was breaking.

He parked the car and led her into the house. He helped her to the kitchen table, and handed her a bottle of water. He started putting water into the kettle to make some tea but stopped. "Do you need any Tylenol?"

Kono shook her head as she absently rubbed a hand on her stomach. "I don't think so. I'm kind of numb right now, I guess."

He bent down and hugged her from behind. "I'm really proud of you, Kono."

She barely reacted to what he said. "I'm going to go change now."

_God, she sounded so hollow_. He watched her walk slowly down the hallway, and then managed to put a few things away in the kitchen before walking to the guest room to change. Once he was inside, he heard her door open, but took his time, figuring that she needed a little space.

Kono made her way to the couch and sat down. She picked up her water bottle, picking at the label before taking a tiny sip. Restlessly, she absentmindedly fingered the charm on her necklace. She remembered the night that Adam gave it to her like it was yesterday.

_It had been a particularly grueling day, and Kono was completely wiped out. She and Adam were supposed to meet at his office later that night before going out, but she was just too drained. She called Adam to cancel on her way home._

_Naturally, he was disappointed, but was more worried about her well being. She worked too hard, and sometimes had very little time to just relax and unwind. Tapping his pen on his desk, a plan started to take shape in his mind. Smiling, he worked out of a couple of details until he was confident that things were perfect._

_Kono had just put on her most comfortable sweats when her cell phone rang. "Hello?"_

_"Open the door…dinner is getting heavy." _

_Kono hurried to unlock the door before ushering Adam inside and shutting the door behind her. As soon as she heard the takeout bag being placed on the table, she launched herself at one very startled Adam Noshimuri. He grunted as her lithe form landed in his arms. He wasn't expecting 'airborne' Kono to come flying out of the darkness. He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He spoke softly into her hair. "Did you miss me?"_

_When she could safely speak, she stepped back to look him in the eyes. "Adam, you didn't have to…" Her words were cut off as his mouth covered hers. Kissing her gently, he made her forget what she was planning to say._

_After oxygen became a necessity, they reluctantly broke apart. Adam smirked, his brown eyes sparkling as he watched her try to steady her breathing. "So, I'll take that as a yes."_

_Kono matched his grin with one of her own. "Yes, Adam, I missed you." She stepped back into his hug, seeking the comfort that his arms always provided her. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you."_

_Adam simply held her where they stood, swaying to the synchronized beating of their hearts. Stepping back, he held her at arm's length. "Are you okay?"_

_She sighed and nodded. "Today was just a really rough day. There were kids involved…it just got to me. Can we just crash?"_

_He led her to the couch, sitting so that his back was against the arm; Kono nestled in front of him, wrapped in his embrace. They stared at the flames from the candles on the shelves, soothed by the random patterns cast onto the walls and ceiling. _

_Adam suddenly whispered, "Close your eyes."_

_Kono turned to gaze into his eyes. "Adam?"_

_"Just close your eyes. Please?"_

_Kono could never resist when he said please. The way he said that one simple word practically made her toes curl. With a small sigh, she sat up and closed her eyes. She didn't have to wait for long before she was rewarded with a kiss on her cheek. _

_"You can open your eyes now."_

_Kono opened her eyes and was greeted by the sight of a small package that he held in front of her. Curious, she raised one eyebrow at him. "What is this?"_

_He grinned like a little boy. "Go ahead and open it."_

_She turned towards him and opened the box, blinking furiously to stop the tears from falling. "Adam…"_

_He could not help but smile as she pulled the delicate chain from the box. "In your line of work, I thought a guardian angel couldn't hurt." She fingered the small silver charm before gazing into his eyes._

_"You're my angel…as cheesy as that sounds…it's you, Adam."_

_He leaned in to kiss her softly. "It never hurts to have a backup." Pulling her into his arms, Adam whispered into her ear. "When you wear it, we'll both be close to your heart, right?"_

_Shifting so that she faced him, she placed gentle kisses to his forehead and temple, murmuring, "Absolutely."_

_Adam took the chain from Kono, saying, "Here. Let me put it on."_

_He fastened the clasp before looking into her eyes. "I'll always be with you, Kono. You don't ever have to feel alone again." _

Kono was startled from her reverie by a loud pop from a car backfiring outside, and accidentally dropped her water bottle. She made her way into the kitchen to find a rag to clean up the mess. Placing her hands on the edge of the counter, she dropped her head and closed her eyes. She could feel her emotions churning to the surface like a wave.

She couldn't take it anymore and finally unleashed the storm that had been brewing. She grabbed a plate from the sink and threw it, relishing the crash that it made against the wall. She grabbed another plate, hurling it towards the first. She seized another; and another, not stopping until her anger had abated somewhat.

Danny had run into the room after the first crash, ducking as he nearly got hit by the flying ceramic. He stopped, knowing that she needed to get it out of her system. After a short time, he took a couple of steps towards her cautiously, not wanting to spook her. He heard her strangled sobs as she tried to catch her breath, one hand covering her mouth, the other on her stomach. She finally noticed Danny watching her.

She looked around, stunned. "I…I think I dropped a plate."

Danny moved quickly and quietly to her side. "Yeah, I guess you did."

Kono bent over as if wracked by pain, her sobs tearing through her. Danny caught her as she started to sink to the floor. He sat behind her, holding her close. Tears trickled down his cheeks as she poured out her fears—fears that she had kept locked deep down inside. _What was the last thing she had said to him? Had she told Adam that she loved him? Was he alone when he died? Did he feel any pain? _

She cried until she finally could not cry any more. Her eyes were swollen, her nose red. She had gagged futilely into the trash can as the emotional upheaval did not sit well with her stomach, but she hadn't had enough of anything to bring back up. Her sobs slowly turned into deep shuddering breaths, until they were finally replaced by an occasional sniffle.

He stood up and carefully picked her up, carrying her into her bedroom and setting her down on her bed. He moved to sit next to her, covering both of them with the blankets and turning out the light. It was late afternoon, but it was dark enough in her room to hope that she would be able to rest.

Kono whispered a raspy, 'thank you' before finally relaxing enough to shut her eyes and sleep. For the first time since the nightmare began, Danny knew that Kono eventually would be okay. She had finally started let go, and would at last be able to start the healing process.

Once he was sure that she would stay asleep, Danny headed back towards the kitchen. That was where Chin and Steve found him as they let themselves into Kono's place.

"What happened?" Chin and Steve stood in the doorway, staring at the destruction in front of them.

Danny took a deep breath. "She finally broke."

Steve could see the pain on Danny's face and knew it had been rough. He was glad that Kono had Danny with her – Steve knew that he would support her the way that she needed. "Are you okay?"

Danny looked quickly at both Steve and Chin. "Seriously? It's not about me right now."

Chin stepped through the shards and placed a hand on Danny's shoulder. "Kono doesn't let many people in, especially when she's hurting. She told me why she couldn't have me so close right now, and I respect that…I even get it. This whole situation has my head in a place I thought it had left behind, but it's stirred up a lot of buried memories. But Danny, for whatever reason, she let you in. So watching her shatter like she did had to be brutal…and as your friends, we're making it about you for a little while, okay?"

Danny blew out a breath and hung his head. "I feel like there is something more I should be doing."

Steve squeezed the back of Danny's neck in support. "It may feel like it Danny, but Chin's right. Kono's doing as well as she is because of you. You may not see it, but we do. Now, why don't you get out of here for a little bit – maybe go and see Grace? We'll stay with Kono."

Danny had invested so much of himself into helping Kono that it felt a little like betrayal to even think of leaving, but he knew that Steve and Chin were right. He needed to step back for a little while and focus on his daughter. She filled him with goodness faster than anything on this island ever could. "Sounds good…maybe a couple of hours?"

Chin nodded. "We'll take care of things here – take all of the time you need, brah. Go and clear your head, and we'll see you when you get back."

Danny glanced back towards Kono's room before taking a deep breath and heading out to his car. He drove the short distance to Rachel and Stan's on autopilot, having no real idea how he got there. He pressed the button at the gate, and it immediately opened for him to pull into the circle drive.

Before he could get out of his car, the front door to the house was open and Grace was running towards him. He hurried to get the door open and was ready to catch her when she jumped.

"Danno! I missed you!" Grace had her arms and legs wrapped around her dad, and all he could do was hang on for dear life. Breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo grounded him in a way that he couldn't explain.

Rachel had followed Grace outside, and was standing next to the car. "How is Kono holding up?"

Danny must have looked surprised because Rachel was suddenly frowning at him. "Oh for goodness sake, Daniel. I'm not heartless."

Danny shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I just didn't think you would be concerned – you don't know her that well."

Rachel relaxed, nodded in understanding. "I'm still sorry for her loss…it has to be rough."

Danny ran a hand up and down Grace's back. "Yeah, it is. She got some news while at the hospital, which hopefully will give her something positive to focus on once the shock wears off." He knew Rachel figured it out when she pointed at Grace with a questioning look.

Danny nodded with a soft smile as Grace pushed back to stare at her dad. "Danno? Can we get shave ice? And you said hospital. Is Auntie Kono sick? We should get her a present to make her feel better."

Danny loved how giving his daughter was. "Yeah, Monkey. Kono got some really bad news and is very sad right now. She had to go to the hospital to make sure she was okay, but she's home now. I bet that she would love a get-well present from you. Do you have any ideas?"

Grace thought for a few moments. "We should build her a bear. I think she would like that."

Danny groaned but he wasn't serious. If Grace wanted to build Kono a bear, then they would build Kono a bear. It would not be the first time in his life that he caved and did something that caused him emotional trauma for the sake of his daughter…nor would it be the last.

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	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Thank you for the follows and reviews. I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to all of you - I've been back to the teaching world this week, and now students start back tomorrow. _

_I don't own anything related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement is intended._

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Danny and Grace headed towards the mall, intent on getting Kono's get well present. He couldn't help but smile as he listened to his daughter chatter on from the back seat.

"And we should see if they have a surfboard and towel…'cause that's just like Auntie Kono, right? She loves to surf, and she's really good at it. I can't wait until she's feeling better, because then she can take me surfing again. Do you think she'll want to, Danno?"

Danny chuckled as she never even stopped to take a breath. "I'm sure she'd love to go surfing with you, Monkey…just as soon as she's feeling up to it. Listen…until she's feeling better, Uncle Steve, Uncle Chin and I are going to take turns staying with her, because we want to make sure she doesn't get too sad. But I'll have my cell phone, and you can call me whenever you want to. I'll still see you on our days together, though, so don't you worry."

Grace nodded, her face thoughtful in the rear view mirror. "Danno?"

"Yeah, babe?" Danny was concentrating on the traffic and missed her worried expression.

"Do you think I could come and see Auntie Kono? I don't want her to be sad either."

Danny pulled into the mall parking lot and turned to face his daughter. "I'm sure she'd love that, but it might take a little while before she wants some company." He wasn't sure just how much to tell her, but knew Grace's inquisitive nature would keep her asking questions. He decided to give her the bare bones information about why Kono was sad. The rest of the story was Kono's to tell when she felt up to it.

"Sweetheart, you remember Adam, don't you?" Grace had only met him once, so Danny wasn't sure how much she remembered of Kono's fiancé.

"Umm…kind of. I think I remember him coming to Uncle Steve's house with Auntie Kono once, but I don't really remember that much about him. He was her boyfriend, right? He was really tall."

Danny nodded, remembering the barbecue that Steve had about six months ago. "Yesterday, Uncle Steve and I got called to a case where a man had been killed. Once we got there, we found out that it was Adam who had been killed. We had to tell Kono, and she got very upset and had to go to the hospital to make sure she was okay."

Grace's eyes were horrified. "But Danno! Does that mean that Auntie Kono is all alone now?"

Danny unbuckled his seatbelt and hurried around to the backseat, immediately pulling Grace in for a hug. "No, Monkey. Remember ohana, right? Kono is really sad right now, but we hope that over time, she'll see that she's not alone. She has all of us to help take care of her. And right now, you're being the best friend you can be for her by bringing her a present. It'll be something that she can hold on to and realize that you are thinking about her."

Grace squeezed her dad tight, sad for Kono that Adam was gone, but proud of her dad for making sure Kono was taken care of. "I love you, Danno."

Danny would take those words from his daughter every minute of the day if she'd let him. "I love you too, Monkey. Now let's go build our bear, shall we?"

Grace nodded and the two headed into the mall. After about an hour, however, Danny was torn on his stance that a bear would be the perfect gift for Kono. Grace was having the time of her life, stuffing and fluffing and blow drying Kono's bear.

He, on the other hand, was about ready to shoot poor Evelyn. He knew that she was just doing her job, but if she asked him one more time if he'd like to experience the 'magical Build-A-Bear experience for himself', he would not be responsible for his actions.

"Danno, come quick!" Unbeknownst to Evelyn, his daughter had just rescued the poor salesgirl from what would have been a torturous end to her existence had she not backed away from him very, very slowly.

"Be right there, Monkey." It didn't matter that Grace was standing five feet from him, staring at a rack of bear outfits. He made a big show of rushing to her side.

He gave her a quick squeeze. "Thanks for the save, babe. Now…what's all of this?"

Grace had a huge grin on her face. "Since we made Mr. Bear a boy bear, I think we should put him in some boardies, and get him a surfboard to go with them. That way, he'll kind of be like Auntie Kono but the boy version.

Danny loved how thoughtful she was being with all of this. Grace had insisted that they put a heartbeat inside the bear, so that when Kono squeezed his paw, she would hear it. Danny hoped it was the right thing to do and would give Kono some comfort.

He also got a chuckle out of the different outfits available – and he was suddenly struck with an idea for gifts for the rest of the team. "Hey Grace? What do you think about…?"

Grace's giggle was the only answer he needed. Steeling himself against what was sure to be a very painful experience, he turned to where the dark-haired employee was hovering nearby. "Hey, Evelyn? Looks like we're going to need a few more bears to complete the 'magical Build-A-Bear experience'…"

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By the time he got back to Kono's, Danny was in much calmer spirits than when he left. He had left the bears with Grace for the time being, as she wanted to be the one to give them to their respective owners. She had even kicked him out of the store once the payment options were in place, because she didn't want him to see what kind of bear outfit she had gotten for his own bear. She had taken the words "What do you think about getting bears for the team?" to include him, and who was he to disappoint his daughter?

After locking up his car, he walked up the walk and tapped on the door. It didn't take long before Steve had pulled it open and was standing back to let him in.

"How's she doing?" Danny was trying not to hover, but he was worried about his friend. She had shattered so completely, he could only hope there was enough of her left to put back together.

"She's been asleep the whole time. Chin's in checking on her now, but I know she needs the rest." Steve shut the door behind them and motioned Danny towards the living room, while he stopped and grabbed some beers and pulled his cell phone from the charger. Steve always knew that Danny was a stand-up guy, but watching how he stepped up and was taking care of Kono gave him new insight into the kind of man Danny truly was.

He couldn't help but feel like it was Rachel's loss that she couldn't see past her own fears. Danny was one of the good ones, and if she couldn't see that, then she didn't deserve him. In fact, he often felt like she and Stan deserved each other.

He brought the three Longboards into the living room and sat Chin's on the coffee table. He handed Danny his, and clinked the necks of their bottles together in support. "Here's to Kono. I'm so damned proud of her. After all of this shit that's been thrown at her, she's still standing. Bruised and a little broken, but still standing."

Danny took an appreciative swallow of his beer and nodded. "She's been a fighter, that's for sure. I just hope she's okay."

Steve looked at him quizzically. "How do you mean?"

Danny shrugged a shoulder. "It's just a lot for her – or anyone – to handle, I guess. Losing Adam was bad enough, but then finding out about the baby and being so distraught about not getting to share that with him? It just sucks, I guess. I wish that telling him hadn't been taken away from her, you know?"

Steve nodded. He did understand what Danny meant. Kono had been gypped of that special moment with her fiancé, and there wasn't really anything any of them could do to get it back.

Danny continued, after spending a few seconds staring at his hands. "I really hope tonight was a turning point. I mean, some days she seems like she's doing better. But other days, she's like a ghost…a shell of herself or something. It's just so _not_ her, if that makes sense."

Just then, Chin came back into the room. He looked drained, and was grateful for the beer that Steve held out for him. "Thanks, brah."

"Is she still sleeping?" Steve settled back against the cushions of the couch.

Chin nodded and took a drink. "Yeah…she was pretty restless for a few minutes, but settled down. I just sat next to her, but I guess it was enough to reassure her that she was okay."

Danny was relieved to hear that she was resting, at least somewhat. "Hey…I know this may sound weird, but do you guys think that you – or we – could get into Adam's place? I was thinking earlier that Kono might like a few things from there. I remember when my grandfather died – I loved that my dad grabbed me a couple of flannel shirts that belonged to him. When I was really missing him, I would wear one of them and feel closer to him. I was just thinking that it might be something that would make her feel better by having?"

Steve smiled and nodded his head. "I'm sure we can get in, and if there's an alarm, Chin can take care of it."

Chin saluted the two with his beer bottle. "That's actually a great idea, Danny. Do you want to go with us or stay here with Kono and Steve and I can take care of things?"

Danny thought for a moment. "Why don't you guys go this time, and I'll stay with Kono. Just get a few things that she might like…a few shirts…maybe some pictures? Then, when she's feeling better, we can take her over and help her bring back what she wants to keep for her and for the baby. We'll just need to make sure his house stays secure until then."

Steve sat forward with his elbows on his knees. "I can talk to the Governor. He can tie the estate up in red tape for a while…buy us some time. But that sounds like a plan. We can go tomorrow and let you know when we're on our way back here."

After finalizing their plans, the three men sat in silence for a while, each lost in their thoughts. Chin was caught up in memories of Malia, and the regrets he still had over wasted time. Steve was remembering friends who were no longer with him – Freddie, in particular. Times like this often brought about flashbacks, and Steve hoped he would have no issues tonight.

Danny was more caught up in the here and now, but was still floating on the edges of Kono's grief. He hadn't known Adam too well, but hurt desperately for her loss. He just wanted to see her come out stronger on the other side, but for now, it was like a land mine that she had to navigate through. He just hoped he was a good enough guide to see her through.

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Kono woke up the next morning feeling like she was hung over. Her throat was raw, her eyes were swollen and her head was pounding. And yet, she felt different. She wasn't good, by any stretch of the imagination, but for the first time since Adam died, Kono felt like she just might survive.

She still missed Adam with everything that she had, but she also knew that she had to keep on living. She couldn't keep curling up inside herself…that would not honor the memory of the man she loved. He would want her to go on living, no matter how difficult it was. Adam was her everything; the least she could do would be to figure out a way to keep herself from sinking so low into a dark pit that she wouldn't be able to get back out.

Living would become her personal challenge. Kono Kalakaua had never walked away from a challenge, and she was not about to start now. She'd figure out how to take baby steps, but she _would_ do this. She _had_ to do this. It wasn't just her any longer. She had a baby to think about.

Groaning slightly, she rolled to her side and started to sit up. Once she was sure she had her balance, she stood and headed to the bathroom. She started the water in the shower, and waited for it to warm up. Her ribs were feeling a little better, so she thought maybe the hot water would feel good.

She stepped into the warm steam and sighed. The water felt so good on her aching muscles that she spent a long time under the heat, enjoying the feel of something other than emptiness. By the time she got out, her skin had regained a little color; her cheeks flushed.

She got dressed; opting to wear her favorite yoga pants and a t-shirt that Adam had left here one night. _What she wouldn't give to have a few more of those around to curl up in._ When she came out of her room, she was met by the unmistakable aroma of hazelnut coffee—her favorite. She was so glad that her body hadn't rejected the idea of coffee, like it had with the teriyaki she had once loved. She didn't even care that it was decaf...her brain hadn't figured it out yet, and she wasn't about to tell it. Wandering down the hall, she found Danny in the kitchen, cutting up some fresh fruit.

He looked up as she came into the room, happy to see that she had some color back. Everything, from her eyes to her hair to her skin, had been so lifeless lately. He was glad to see that she looked stronger than she had before. He smiled as she sat in front of the steaming mug of decaf coffee he had placed on the table.

"Hey, babe. How are you feeling?"

Kono smiled a tentative smile. "I guess I'm okay. I think I feel a little hung over, actually."

Danny nodded at her with compassion in his eyes. "So, how are you _really_ doing? And I don't mean the 'I'm going to just say what I hope he wants to hear' speech. How are you holding up?"

She wrapped her hands around the mug, soaking in its warmth. "I'm not sure. I feel a little better than I did, and that's saying a lot." She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. "Danny…I…" She hung her head, clearly uneasy with the direction that the conversation was headed.

Danny moved to take a seat next to her. "Kono, it's me. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?"

She nodded before looking into his eyes. "Danny, I'm so sorry. I owe you – and Steve and Chin – such a huge apology. I was so wrapped up in my own grief, that I never even thought to ask how you guys were doing, or what was going on at work. It wasn't that I was only thinking of myself; because frankly, I just didn't care what happened to me."

Somewhere during the conversation, Danny had reached over to cover her hand with his. "Kono, it's okay. I promise. You have to understand something. Helping you actually helped me…us. I think we would have all gone crazy if we were on the outside unable to do anything but worry about you. And the idea that you didn't care what happened to you makes me even more glad that we were here for you. If you couldn't care, then I'm glad that we cared enough for you. We're family…you have beat that into my head since I got there. Now, it's time for me to show you that I've been listening. Does that make any sense?"

This time, Kono was the first one up. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him, feeling him squeeze her arm in support. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, but she knew that it felt good to be helping Danny for a change.

During breakfast, Danny was pleased to see that Kono actually ate a little bit on her own, with no mock threats or begging on his part. After they had cleaned up the breakfast dishes, they decided to go for a walk. Kono hadn't really been outside since she'd been home, except for the memorial service. They headed towards the beach a block from her house, stopping to sit on a bench near the sand. Kono delighted in feeling the breeze on her face, although she couldn't squelch the nagging feeling of guilt coming from deep within her.

Danny leaned and nudged her with his shoulder. "Kono? You okay?"

Kono glanced at him, her eyes troubled. "I'm just…I can't help it, but I feel guilty."

Danny looked confused for a moment. "I don't get it. Why would you feel guilty?"

Kono absentmindedly played with the hem of her shirt. "I know it's stupid, but I can't help but feel guilty that I'm enjoying being outside at the beach, while Adam…"

Danny nodded slowly. "You feel guilty for enjoying the simple things, while Adam isn't around to enjoy anything, right?" Kono agreed with a slight nod of her head before resting her head on his shoulder. "Kono, that's pretty typical. Dr. White had given me some stuff to read while you were in the hospital, and it said that it is normal to feel guilty about everyday things. You just need to give yourself a break. Adam wouldn't want you to lock yourself away from everything. Adam loved the life he had with you…that's why he took some of the risks that he took. He wanted the two of you to _live_. He would want you to start living again. If not for yourself, then maybe you start living for him…and for your baby."

Kono sat, deep in thought. She knew that Danny was a smart guy, but she had no idea the depth of him…he rarely let anyone see that side of him. Unable to think past Adam right this minute, she simply wrapped her arm around his bicep and took a deep breath, letting the ocean air fill her lungs and chase the stagnancy away.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: So sorry for the delay. Real life has been a mean bully the past week, between my niece ending up in the ER with diabetes related issues (her blood sugar was below 20, but she's since home and back to her normal energetic 14-year-old self), and a 3-day migraine that nearly sent me to Urgent Care with a sudden (and very painful) stabbing pain. Thankfully, the bully has retreated to its corner, and I can breathe a little bit._

_I don't own anything related to Hawaii Five-0 or CBS. No copyright infringement is intended._

0-0-0-0-0

They sat like that for a while, until the breeze shifted and it started cooling down. They walked in silence back to the house, each lost in their own thoughts of just what 'living' meant to them.

Once they got back home, Kono settled on the couch with some Tylenol and a bottle of water. Danny came to check on her and sat on the coffee table in front of her. "I know you're probably sick of hearing this, but are you doing okay?"

Kono smiled briefly. Leave it to Danny to worry about something like that. "I'm just tired. I think I'm going to try to take a nap for a while. How about you?"

"I actually am going to try to catch up on some paperwork. It shouldn't take too long. I think that Steve and Chin were heading over here later. I know you haven't been outside much, but didn't know if you wanted to try to swim later? I'm sure Steve would keep you company. In the meantime, are you going to be okay, or do you want me to stay in here for a bit?

Kono nodded sleepily. "Yeah, I might take him up on it…it might feel good. I think I'm okay for now, though. I'll probably sleep for a while. I'll just make sure I call if I need anything, okay?"

He leaned down and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Sleep tight. I'll be back in the guest room, okay?"

Kono sighed. "Mmmm. Okay." She was asleep before he made it down the hallway.

0-0-0-0-0

Steve and Chin rode in silence the short distance to Adam's house. They didn't want to be gone long, but wanted to make sure they got a few things for Kono to have with her. They punched in the code to the gate, and drove through once it opened. Parking the truck, they sat and stared at the building in front of them. It was now or never.

They got out and walked, following the path until they reached a wooden door. Juggling the key ring, Chin found the key he was looking for. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the door to Adam Noshimuri's house. As Steve shut the door behind him, Chin entered the alarm code and waited for the system to deactivate.

They walked through the door cautiously, not sure what to expect. HPD had confirmed that this was not any type of crime scene, so they knew that they were not disturbing anything. The room was silent, except for the humming of the refrigerator. The governor confirmed that the estate was tied up for the foreseeable future, which gratefully prevented the lawyers from doing anything with the place until Kono was ready.

Chin and Steve both appreciated the modest decor as they wandered through the house. Finding the area they were looking for, they made quick work of what they had come to do. Steve gathered a few things from Adam's bedroom and placed them in a backpack that he found on the floor of the closet. Looking around, he glanced at a small leather bound book on the nightstand next to the bed. Flipping through the pages, he smiled softly with damp eyes for Kono's sake, and put it in the backpack for safe keeping, then headed back the way he came.

Chin was in the living room, picking out a few photos to take back to Kono's house. He knew that she had a few of the two of them, but Adam had some that he'd never seen before. They knew that they would bring Kono back here when she felt ready, but for now, hopefully this would ease the ache in her heart.

Locking the door behind them, Steve and Chin made their way back to the truck. After texting Danny to let him know they were on their way, they headed back to Kono's house. When they arrived, they used Chin's key to unlock the door and let themselves in. Kono was still sleeping on the couch; her forehead creased and her limbs restless. Hearing the keys in the door, Danny met them in the living room.

Reluctantly, they decided to wake her up. They didn't want her to hurt herself if she sat up suddenly. Chin sat down on the coffee table. Reaching out, he gently shook her shoulder. "Kono?" She flinched at his touch, prompting him to move out of her reach. He did not want to be on the receiving end of a Kono Kalakaua roundhouse. He tried again. "Kono? Wake up."

Slowly, she opened her eyes and glanced around. "Chin?" Seeing the rest of the team surrounding her, she blinked in confusion. "Where…what happened?"

"You were dreaming, I think. Do you remember what it was?"

She pulled at a loose thread on the blanket. "Adam was there. We were at a pier. There was a big crowd, and I kept losing sight of him. He always found me, though. I just wish I could remember what he was saying. It seemed really important at the time."

She sat up slowly and rolled her neck, trying to release the kink that had formed. "Can I tell you guys something?"

Steve and Danny sat down next to her, the backpack on the floor by Steve's feet. "Anything, sweetheart. You know that."

"I'm scared that I might forget him someday…forget his voice, the way he looks…stuff like that." She looked around the room for a moment. "I have a few photos stashed away, and I have his t-shirt that I stole, but not much else. I just wish…"

She looked down at her hands, suddenly worried. "Steve? What happened to his house?"

Steve smiled. "The Governor took care of things. He buried the estate in red tape for the time being, which means that it's still his house for as long as you want it to be."

Kono could not stop the relief from showing on her face. "I…I was worried that I wouldn't get to…I should go through his things to see if there's anything that the baby might want."

Steve reached down and brought the backpack to rest between them. "What about what _you_ want?"

Kono looked at him, her eyes welling up with tears.

Danny turned so that he was facing her, while Chin squeezed her knee. "Kono, I know that the last few days have been hell for you. I also want you to know how proud I am of you…we all are of you. You are figuring out how to survive, and doing a damn good job at it."

Chin looked at her with a shy smile. "I hope you don't mind, but Steve and I went to Adam's house. As soon as you are up to it, we'll take you over there."

He spoke quickly, alarmed at the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Kono, we went there to get some stuff for you. I know how much you miss him, and figured that you would feel better if you had some of "him" here with you."

She looked down at the backpack in awe. "You got some of his stuff? For me?" At his nod, she threw her arms around his neck. "God, how can I ever thank you guys? How do you always know what I need?"

She sat back, wiping the tears away. Steve handed her the backpack, thoroughly enjoying her nostalgic happiness. She hugged the shirts to her, breathing in the scent. They still smelled like him. She smiled at some of the photos that Chin had found…photos of her and Adam at various stages of their relationship, along with a few of Adam's childhood photos. She actually giggled as she saw a photo of a young, naked Adam Noshimuri streaking through a backyard. He couldn't have been more than two years old. She never would have thought that his parents would have taken a photo like that, but she was ever so grateful that they had.

Reaching in, she pulled out the leather book that had captured Steve's eye. He placed his hand over hers, stilling her movements. "Kono, when I was getting some things for you, I glanced at this to see what it was. It's a journal of sorts, but it also seems to be letters that Adam wrote to you…starting with what looks like the first few days after he met you. I didn't read it, but noticed the date. I think it belongs to you now."

Kono nodded and clutched the book to her chest. She wanted to read it, but knew that she just couldn't face that much emotion right now. She cleared her throat and set the book aside for the moment. "Thanks, Steve. And Chin…Danny. I know I keep saying it, but I mean it."

Chin reached forward and gathered her into a hug. "Ohana, ipo. Ohana."

She took a deep breath, feeling the strength of her cousin and her ohana soaking into her heart. _She would get through this._ Sitting back, she wiped at her eyes before turning to her boss. "Hey Steve? I was thinking about getting into the water for a bit – try to stretch things out a little. Are you up for keeping me company?"

Steve grinned. "Absolutely. I've got a suit in my truck, or we can go back to mine. Whatever you feel comfortable doing."

Kono chewed on her fingernail before meeting Steve's gaze. "Can we go back to yours? I'm just not up for too many people right now."

Danny squeezed her shoulder. "Why don't we all go? Chin and I can grab some stuff for the grill while you and Aquaman swim, and then we can fix some lunch and go from there."

Kono nodded and stood slowly, taking the journal and heading down the hall towards her bedroom. She grabbed a towel from the linen closet and threw it into a bag, before moving into her room to change. She set the leather bound book underneath her pillow. Maybe she would open it later?

She struggled with getting her bikini top on and tied, but was adamant that she not ask any of the guys for help. Finally, she turned everything around so that the ties were at her front and knotted them, before spinning everything back where it belonged and securing the straps. It wasn't perfect, but it worked for now.

She slid her slippers on and threw her keys into her bag before heading back out to meet the guys. Hopefully this would help her clear her head.

It didn't take long to reach Steve's house, and while Steve and Kono headed through the kitchen and out to the lanai, Chin grabbed the truck keys and he and Danny headed for the store. The two were making it their mission to find things that Kono would enjoy. She had lost way too much weight – weight that neither she nor the baby could afford to lose.

Steve and Kono were quiet as they walked into the water. There wasn't a need for much conversation. Steve knew what Kono needed, and vowed to keep an eye on her as she attempted to purge herself of some of the demons that had plagued her.

He matched his strokes to hers as they started swimming. She was definitely off of her normal speed, but it wasn't unexpected, given that she essentially had been bedridden for the better part of a week. She would need to build her stamina back up.

It was about ten minutes into their swim when he heard her gasp, followed by a quick splash. No sooner had he turned, than he saw her thrash and start to slip under the water. He quickly reached her and grabbed her in a rescue hold, ever cautious of the baby and her bruised ribs. Whatever had caused this was also causing her to panic, and she thrashed and fought against his hold. "I've got you. Just relax and let me do all of the work."

Not sure what he was dealing with and not seeing a water predator of any kind, he started to swim them back to shore when he heard her grit out, "Cramp". Knowing that it wouldn't go away on its own, he hurried to get her back to shore.

As he was pulling her in, an unexpected wave caught her full in the face as she took a deep breath, and she ended up choking and coughing, trying to clear her lungs from the sudden onslaught of salt water.

Steve practically carried her once his feet were on the sand, rushing her to her towel on the grass. "Here you go, sweetheart. You just breathe, okay? You're safe now."

He could see where she was clutching at her left calf, so he immediately started trying to relax the muscle. He was a little worried at how much she was coughing, though. To be safe, he turned her onto her side in case she coughed up more water.

Hearing voices in the kitchen, he yelled for Danny and Chin. "Guys? Out here…quick."

Kono couldn't catch her breath. Between the pain in her leg and her inability to breathe without coughing, she was starting to panic. She couldn't override it, no matter what she did. Without warning, the fear turned to tears and she was crying before she knew what hit her.

Danny and Chin hurried out to the lanai and could see that something was wrong. "What happened?"

Steve kept working on her leg, but managed to tell them that she had gotten a cramp, and had taken in some water.

While Chin went for a bottle of water, Danny knelt down front of her. He could see that she was having a bit of a panic attack. "Okay, babe. Try to slow your breathing down, if you can. I know you got rattled a little bit, but you're going to be fine."

It didn't seem like she heard him, so Danny motioned for Steve to sit her up. Sitting hip to hip, but so his feet were facing the opposite of hers, he caught her flailing arms and pulled her into a tight hug. She needed to feel something solid until her brain caught up with the fact that she was safe on dry land.

Kono was as home in the water as she was on the ground, but with her emotions stretched as far as they could be stretched, she was floundering right now. Danny also wondered if this was partly embarrassment over something _they_ all knew she couldn't control. He had a feeling that she thought she should be invincible in the water, somehow.

"We're all right here, Kono. You're safe now. Just try to match your breathing to mine, okay? In…and out…in…and out…" Danny kept up the pattern until he felt Kono settle a little bit. Once he was sure she was a little more aware, he sat back and tilted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I need you to be honest here, okay? Do you feel like you need medical attention? Are you having any trouble breathing?"

The shake of her head was almost imperceptible, but Danny caught it nonetheless. "That's good. That's real good. Now…is your leg still bothering you?"

She shook her head again, and he smiled softly. "Better yet. Now…are you frustrated, embarrassed, mortified, annoyed, angry, aggravated, or relieved to know that you are human and get muscle cramps like a mere mortal, and that you don't have to try to be like Super SEAL here and prove your water worthiness?"

Kono actually tried to smile at Danny's mini-rant and Steve's snort of disbelief, which was what Danny was hoping for. He pulled her in for another hug. "Seriously, babe. No need to be any of those things. Got it? Your body is just telling you that it would prefer you took it a little easy for a bit longer. Shit happens…or cramps happen…but that doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?"

Kono squeezed her arms around Danny's middle. "Thanks, Danny."

He kissed the top of her head and scooted back even farther, knowing that Chin and Steve were anxious as well. "No problem, Rookie."

Chin handed her a bottle of water, but before she could take a drink, he had his arms wrapped tightly around her. "Are you okay?"

Kono nodded. "I am now. It just scared me a little."

Chin held her for a few more moments before sitting back, keeping her in a light hold. "Me, too, ipo. Me, too."

She squeezed his arm before turning to Steve. "Steve…thank you. I don't know what I would have done if…"

Steve rested on his knees and wrapped her up in a tight hug. "Are you sure you're alright?"

She could feel a slight tremor in his arms and knew he was more unnerved than he was letting on. There was no telling how many water rescues he had been a part of, but when it was a friend…emotions didn't care how proficient one was. "I'll be fine, Boss." She had calmed considerably in the time that she had been on dry land.

He let her go and grinned in relief. "I'm glad. And you're welcome."

Danny clapped his hands, wanting to change the mood. "Now that we've got the two water babies taken care of, who's ready for some lunch? Steve, can you fire up the grill? We got some kabobs to grill…chicken, shrimp, and steak. We also got ingredients to make salad, and it won't take long to put together."

Kono turned to face the three. "I just…I need a minute, okay?"

Chin smiled down at her. "Take all the time you need, cuz."

As they headed towards the kitchen to put some lunch together, Kono turned her gaze to the vast ocean in front of her. How quickly things had changed. It wasn't long ago that she honestly hadn't cared whether she lived or died. If it meant that she could have been with Adam again, she would have immediately chosen death.

But while today's ocean incident wasn't a near-death experience, it did give her pause to stop and think about how much she really had to live for. She was expecting Adam's baby in about seven months. She had a job that she was very good at. She had an ohana that would go to the ends of the earth and back for her.

It wasn't that she was over losing Adam. Far from it. His funeral was only yesterday. The pain of her grief was almost tangible at times, and she still spent more time in tears than not. But she could see that merely existing didn't do anything to honor Adam's memory. As she looked out at the sand, she chuckled to herself. Her life…her existence right this minute…was like walking through sand. Some moments were easy, and others kept her feeling weighted down and unable to move.

Shaking her head, she pushed herself up and stood, getting her bearings. Her calf was sore, but she could walk on it, so she turned and limped her way to the door and into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes, as the three men…her champions…all scattered as if they hadn't been standing there watching her out the window.

0-0-0-0-0

After lunch – which Kono managed to eat a little of – the four headed back to Kono's house. They had offered an excursion of her choosing, but truth be told, she was tired and wanted to rest. She knew they understood, but it was as if her earlier outing had sucked all of her energy out of her.

As soon as she was in the door, she headed for her room. The guys all gave her space, knowing that to crowd her would end up a complete clusterfuck. She shut the door, knowing they were planning on catching up on paperwork in the kitchen.

As she sat on the bed, Kono closed her eyes and swallowed hard. With a shaking hand, she opened up the book to the first page. Her heart leapt at the sight of Adam's familiar, crooked, left-handed script. Taking a deep breath, her eyes moved to the beginning of the page.

_Dear Kono_,

0-0-0-0-0


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I'm glad there is still some interest in this story - there's much more to tell, and I hope you'll stick around until the end. I really appreciate you guys!_

0-0-0-0-0

_Dear Kono,_

_I decided to keep this journal as a way to avoid going crazy. I worry about you when you are on the job. I know that I shouldn't…you can certainly take care of yourself. I absolutely know that. But sometimes, I don't sleep when I know you're working. I trust your team implicitly. It's just that I don't trust the criminals who would love nothing more than to take Five-0 out…particularly the Yakuza. I hear rumblings, but they've never outwardly made a move towards me. Kono, please be careful. I couldn't take it if anything happened to you._

_Sometimes, when you come back battered and bruised, I want to put my fist through a wall. I hate that anyone touches you like that, even though I'm pretty sure that you made them look much worse. I can't help but worry, though. I just know that I don't think that I can do much of anything without you anymore. I've never told anyone this, but you are the best thing that's happened to me. Ever._

_Adam_

Kono wiped the tears away that were now trickling down her cheeks. Hugging the book to her chest, she lay back on her bed. She didn't think that she could read any more right now. It just hurt too much.

0-0-0-0-0

One night, after dinner was over, Danny had helped Steve carry some files out to his truck before he left. Once he got back inside, he checked on Kono. She was asleep on her side, clutching the spare pillow to her chest like a lifeline. She was wearing one of the shirts that Chin and Steve had brought from Adam's house. He hated feeling so helpless. He knew that he couldn't _do_ anything specific to help her through this. She had to work her way out of the darkness when she was ready.

Tucking the sheet back around her, he headed out to the couch to try to get some sleep. He heard the faint rumblings of thunder and secretly hoped for a good storm. To him, there had never been anything more soothing, yet secretly thrilling, as a rip-roaring thunderstorm, and Hawaii often had great ones, although he would never admit that to Steve.

He had always loved them, even as a young boy. He remembered sitting in front of his bedroom window watching the lightning dance across the sky. He would literally hold his breath and count…one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand…until the thunder boomed. He used to squeal out loud, thrilled that the storm was approaching. He didn't know how far a mile was, but he knew that the less thousands that he counted, the closer the storm was.

Just before he fell asleep, Danny saw the lightning flash through the window. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…BOOM… He fell asleep soothed with the knowledge that a storm was raging outside. He had no way of knowing about the storm that was raging inside the house as well.

0-0-0-0-0

Danny woke to the sounds of rain pelting the roof. He moved to the window to see outside, pressing his face against the glass. The rainstorm seemed to have settled in, showing no sign of stopping any time soon. Had it not been storming, the sun would have just risen. Instead, the sky was covered with angry churning clouds, unleashing their fury upon the earth below.

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the feel of a cold hand on his arm. Whirling around, his heart nearly stopped at the look of fear in Kono's eyes. "Kono? What's wr…?"

Before he could even finish the word, she was in his arms. He could barely discern what she was saying. She was shaking like a leaf and looked like she was about to collapse. Moving quickly, he led her to the couch, wrapping his blanket around her. "Babe, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

Kono wiped at her tears, clearly frustrated with herself. "Danny, I'm sorry. It's just that…I had a nightmare. I like storms, but sometimes they freak me out. I always felt so safe whenever Adam was with me during a storm. We used to curl up together, and I knew that if he was there, I was safe. I guess I woke up, heard the thunder and freaked out. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…"

Danny placed his hand over her mouth. "Kono Kalakaua, don't you dare finish that sentence. Of course you should have. Is there anything I can do?"

Kono looked embarrassed. "Can we…can we just watch TV? Maybe if I focus on something else…"

Danny handed her the remote and settled in next to her, tucking one part of the blanket around her, and the end of the blanket around his own lap. They channel surfed for a while, finally agreeing on an old black and white comedy that neither one paid that much attention to.

After the movie ended, Danny made his way into the kitchen to make some coffee. Kono headed to her room to get dressed. Her eyes drifted to Adam's journal, which she had placed on the table next to her bed. She picked it up and fingered the worn leather, finally deciding to settle in and read a little more. She opened to a page further along in the book.

_Dear Kono,_

_Today had to be the best birthday I've ever had. I can't believe that you went to so much trouble. I love the espresso machine, although I can't help but think you'll get just as much use out of it as I will. More important than the gifts was the fact that you went through so much to spend my birthday with me. Dinner was fantastic, and dessert…well, dessert was pretty fantastic as well. I could have spent hours just kissing you and dancing to our own music. Like I told you tonight, I don't want some meaningless hotel to be where we share our first time together, as girly as that might sound. Anyway, I can't wait to make our first time together something special. And Kono…it most certainly will be worth the wait. Whatever you want, I will give to you. _

_Sweetheart, you make me feel like the luckiest man on the planet. Do you want to know why? It's simple. You chose me. Despite my lineage and my past, you gave me a chance to prove to you that I'm not who people say I am. You are the most amazing woman that I've ever known, and you chose me. It's hard to put into written words the way that I feel about you. I hope you know that I will always be there for you…nothing will ever change that._

_Adam. _

Wiping the tears away, she turned the page to another entry.

_Dear Kono,_

_I just wanted to tell you how much I loved spending tonight with you. I could tell that you had such a hard day…I'm so glad that I could do something to make you smile. I knew when I saw that necklace that it was meant for you. You call me your guardian angel, but you have to know that you are that and so much more for me. I meant what I said. It never hurts to have a backup. Kono, when you wear the necklace, know that a piece of me is always with you. I liked how the necklace fit when I put it on…the angel charm rests just above your heart, which is the way it should be. You have the other half of my heart, sweetheart. I no longer feel whole without you, if that makes any sense. I have never loved anyone like I love you. Know that you are always in my heart, forever and always. _

_Love, Adam _

She turned to one of the last pages, desperate to feel him near her.

_Dear Kono,_

_Not that you would know this, but you just called. You sound so tired…I know this case is killing you. It's not fair when kids are involved. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. _

_I was thinking the other day. Once this case is over for you, I just want to walk on the beach with you in any direction you want to go; feel the sun and the sea spray on our faces. We could just walk as far as we wanted, and when we were tired, we'd find the perfect spot to sit and watch the sunset. Just so you know? Any spot that I was with you would be perfect. When I kissed you in our spot, it would be the perfect combination of salt and sweet…the salt from the ocean combined with that strawberry lip gloss you wear…you have no idea what just thinking about that does to me. _

_I just…I can't explain why I need to tell you this, but thank you. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife. I know it might not be manly to admit, but even now, thinking about you becoming my wife has me tearing up. I can't help it…I just love you so much. We're so close to having everything that we want, Kono. I can feel it. The future is ours, love. Marriage…maybe one day, we will be lucky enough to be parents. How amazing would that be? Teaching our son or daughter to surf? Hearing laughter as he or she plays in our house? I can't even believe that is a possibility sometimes. _

_Every day, I love you more and more._

_All my love,_

_Adam_

Kono sighed, a deep and painful sigh. It was full of promises lost and heartache gained. It only lasted a moment before she stuffed it back down where it could not torment for now.

She got dressed in light workout clothes and made her way back to the kitchen. She noticed that Danny had made breakfast…toast, fruit and tea. She heard him getting ready, so she sat down to wait, staring out the window at the rain still pouring down. When he came out, she stood up to pour the tea, greeting him with a small smile. She was still a little self-conscious about earlier, but he made no mention of it. He plated the food, and they sat down to eat, passing the time with small talk.

After breakfast, Kono started to move some of the furniture out of the way in the living room so that she could work out. She had some kicking targets and some padded hand targets that she used for her martial arts training. She also had a freestanding heavy bag that she used when she needed to work out her aggression. She knew she needed to go easy, but it was time to start getting some strength back.

Danny helped her set things up, and then put on the pads to be her sparring target. She started off with some easy punches, mindful of her ribs. Danny reminded her to be careful, knowing that he couldn't stop her…that she needed this. After a few minutes, her punches and kicks became accented by words…words of frustration, words of anger, and words of sheer and utter anguish. Danny found that he had to brace himself more and more as her onslaught of punches and kicks grew stronger and more furious.

_"__Why? Why did you have to leave? You weren't supposed to leave me alone. You never even got to know about the baby! Why did you have to go away, damn it? You weren't supposed to die, Adam. You lied to me! You said that you would always be there for me, but you're not, are you? What a bunch of crap! You…Lied…To…Me."_

With that last kick, Kono took off out of the house before Danny could stop her. Ripping off the pads, he took off into the rain after her. He didn't have to go very far. He found her on her knees in the front yard, sobbing at the sky. The sky railed back with its barrage of thunder and lightning.

"God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any of the things I said. I'll be a better person, I promise. I'll do whatever it takes…just please…_please_, bring him back. Bring him back…please? Please? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Danny couldn't take it any longer. He knelt beside her and scooped her up into his arms. She had absolutely no fight left in her. He could hear her tormented whispers as he carried her into the house. "Please bring him back. I didn't mean it."

Once inside, he hurried to the bathroom and started a hot bath. He didn't think that she would be able to stand up in the shower on her own. He knew that he needed to get her out of her wet clothes, quickly. He stripped off her t-shirt and yoga pants before sitting her in the tub. He wanted to give her as much modesty as he could, deciding to worry about her wet undergarments later. He'd seen her in a bathing suit before…this was no worse. He knelt alongside the tub and waited. She was starting to shake, but he couldn't tell whether it was from being cold, or from the emotional beating that she had just taken.

He glanced at her, alarmed at the look on her face. He could tell by her eyes that she was reliving what she had said to Adam during her outburst, and was starting to feel guilty. He didn't want her to beat herself up for saying what she said. If she hadn't gotten that anger out, it would have eaten her alive eventually.

He pulled the stopper, draining the water from the tub. He scooped her out and stood her in front of him, wrapping her in a large towel. He took another towel and tried to dry as much water from her hair as he could. He briskly rubbed her arms, trying to coax the blood back into her system. Once he was sure she was dried, he led her into her bedroom. She offered no protest, which worried him. She hadn't said a word since he put her in the tub. It was like she had shut down.

He searched around, finally finding some sweats and dry underwear in a drawer. He sat her on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of her, putting the underwear into her hands. "Kono, you've got to get some dry clothes on. I'm going to turn around, and I need you to put these on, okay?" He made sure she nodded before he turned around, giving her some privacy.

After a few moments, he heard her try to say his name. He turned around to see that she had put on the tank top and panties he had given her, but her hands were shaking too much to get the rest of the clothes on. He hurriedly helped her put the sweatshirt and sweatpants on before tucking her into her bed. Once she was settled, he ran into the guest room to put on some dry clothes.

He came back to find her sobbing in the bed. Wordlessly, he lay down next to her, keeping her wrapped in the blankets, and held her as she cried. "Danny, I didn't mean the things I said. I don't want Adam to hate me for that. Does he hate me?"

With that, Kono completely broke down. All of her fear and frustration came pouring out of her in waves. He could not stop his own tears as layer after layer of grief started peeling away. At one point, she struggled to sit up, her hand over her mouth. Danny could tell by the wild look in her eyes that she was going to be sick. He picked her up, blankets and all and rushed her into the bathroom, where she emptied the contents of her stomach over and over, until there was nothing left.

When she was finished, he helped her stand at the sink so that she could rinse her mouth out. He wrapped one arm around her waist and guided her back to her bed; tucking her in, and taking his spot at her side once again. She immediately curled into him, seeking comfort. Her sobs had slowed considerably, and he knew that she was exhausted.

He pulled her into a hug, alarmed at her wince. He looked into her eyes, concerned. "Kono, what's the matter? Is it the ribs again?"

She nodded weakly. "I guess it was just too much…the workout, the crying, the throwing up…"

Making a mental note to call her doctor, he reached towards the nightstand and grabbed some Tylenol. He didn't think she had hurt herself or the baby, but he didn't want to take any chances. He helped her sit up and handed her the pills and the bottle of water. Once she had taken them, they laid back down. The storm had calmed noticeably outside…Danny was hoping that the storm inside had subsided inside as well. After a while, he glanced down and noticed that she was finally sleeping.

He quietly moved out of her grip and closed the blinds in her bedroom. He quickly moved to call Dr. Lau, leaving her a brief message as to what had happened, asking her to call back when she could. He was glad that the OB had agreed to keep seeing Kono during her office hours. He really thought she would be a good, stable presence. Once he was satisfied that all was in order, he returned to lie down beside her. He was exhausted as well. It didn't take him very long to fall asleep, the gentle sounds of the rain soothing his soul.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: I won't bore you with the way real life just kind of took over the past week or so, but suffice it to say, I not only celebrated my birthday on Friday...the celebration has continued through the weekend. It's all fun stuff...hanging out with my niece and other family members - but it took away from my computer time. Well worth it, though. Reviews make great belated birthday presents...I'm just saying, LOL._

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Danny only napped for an hour or so before he awoke, thankful that Kono was still asleep. He made his way into the living room to check his messages and found a voice mail from Dr. Lau, letting him know that if he felt concerned, then he should bring Kono in; but since she wasn't having any symptoms, most likely she would be fine. Regardless of what he decided, she let him know that she would call back later this afternoon and see how Kono was doing.

He heard stirrings from the bedroom and headed in to check on Kono. He found her curled up on her side, staring at the wall.

He knelt down in front of her and brushed a piece of hair from in front of her face. She glanced at him briefly before turning her gaze away from him. Danny continued to stare at her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head.

"How are you doing? Do you want something to eat?"

Kono shook her head lightly. "Danny, I'm sorry. I'd just rather be alone, if you don't mind."

He debated whether to argue with her. He knew that she was shutting herself off from everyone, which was normal according to Dr. White. He also knew that she couldn't hide forever. He decided to let her have some space, at least for a little while.

He decided to try to work as long as Kono was in her room. He puttered through a few files, not satisfied with the way that the investigation into Adam's death was going. The damned Yakuza were way too good at covering their tracks. He made a mental note to talk to Steve. Maybe he or Chin had something new to add by now.

After a few hours, Danny decided to check on Kono again. He found her in the same position as before, still staring at the wall. He sat on the empty side of the bed and lightly placed his hand on her shoulder. She barely moved. "Kono, I'm going to fix dinner. What do you want me to make?"

She was quiet for a few moments before answering him, "I'm not hungry. You should just eat without me."

"Kono…"

"Danny, please. I'm not hungry and I just want to be left alone. I appreciate all that you are trying to do for me, I really do. I'm just…miserable right now, and I don't want to bring you down. I hate that I can't control my emotions. One minute I think I've got a handle on things, the next minute I'd rather not get out of bed because it hurts too much to live."

Danny physically rolled her over so that she was facing him. He waited to make sure that she was looking at him. "Kono, I hate seeing you like this. I know we've talked about this before, but I hate that I can't fix this for you. Most of all, I hate having to say that he's gone. I'm guessing that you're probably not ready to hear that, and I'm truly sorry."

"I know." Her voice was barely a whisper. Danny had to look at her to make sure that he heard her.

"Kono?"

She paused before looking into his eyes. "He's gone, Danny. I know. That's why it's so hard right now. I had been holding onto every last hope that he was still alive. I didn't want to admit that he was gone because that meant that he wasn't coming back. I've pretty much accepted it, but it doesn't mean that I like it. In fact, I hate it with everything that I have."

Danny understood where she was coming from. He knew that she would have given anything to have Adam with her presently.

"I just…I don't know what to do. I know I need to take better care of myself…it's more than just me right now. But there are times when I can barely breathe, much less know how to move forward. Is it stupid that I _really_ wish Adam was here to hug me right now?"

He pulled her into a bear hug. "Will this do for now?"

She squeezed one arm around his middle. "You have no idea, Danny."

They stayed lost in their thoughts until they were disturbed by the ringing of the doorbell. Danny hurried to open it, leaving Kono where she was. He greeted Steve at the door, thankful to see him. Steve pulled him into a brief hug as he came into the living room before letting go and setting the files on the coffee table.

"How is she doing?"

Danny glanced towards the bedroom and blew out a breath. "It was a rough morning, to say the least. She wanted to work out, so I put on the pads so she could do a little sparring. In the middle, though, it was like she was talking to Adam…screaming and pissed at him for dying. Her body didn't like the emotional dump, and she ended up sick again. Since then, she hasn't come out of her room all day. I think that for the first time, she has accepted that Adam isn't coming back, and it's killing her."

Steve looked at the door with sadness in his eyes. He wished for the day that his teammate would be happy again. Danny glanced at his watch for a moment. "Steve? Can you stick around for a little while? I think that I'd like to go for a run to clear my head a little, if you don't mind. I don't want to leave her, but I'm starting to feel like I'm coming out of my skin, for some reason. Maybe you can get through to her? It's worth a try, right?"

Steve nodded, knowing that his best friend was probably feeling some anxiety right about now. And Danny was right. Steve felt like he had failed so many people in the past…he wanted to make sure that he got it right this time.

Steve headed to Kono's room, waving a quick good-bye to Danny as he left the house. Kono was still on her side, awake but lost in thought. Steve approached the bed and sat down cautiously. "Hey, sweetheart. Danny went out for a bit, but I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Kono barely nodded before slowly meeting the worried gaze of her friend. Her eyes were watery with a sadness Steve hadn't seen in her before. Wordlessly he gathered her into a hug, holding her as she cried, her heart breaking for what she had finally accepted.

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Danny gradually settled into a jog, his feet pounding a steady rhythm on the pavement. The sun was nearly down, the dusk blanketing him as he ran. He was glad to see that the streets were relatively empty, grateful for the feeling of privacy. He had no particular destination in mind, and he figured he'd end up where he was supposed to end up.

As he ran, he found himself carrying on an internal conversation with Adam, which was so far beyond weird; he couldn't even believe that he was doing it. "So, things are pretty screwed up with you gone, you know that? Kono's a mess without you. Don't get me wrong. She's as strong as they come, but she is barely hanging on here. God, she misses you so much, Adam, and it kills me that I can't fix things for her." He swallowed a few times, trying to regain control.

He took a deep breath, trying to regain his rhythm. The last thing he needed to do was stumble and jack up his knee. "I'm not sure what to do, man. I'm trying to be strong for Kono…to help her figure out how to live through your death, but it's so hard. I hate that you died. I hate that we haven't been able to catch the people responsible for this to give her closure. I hate that you didn't even get to feel the joy of finding out she is pregnant."

He never wanted Kono to feel like he regretted helping her, but at the same time, he knew Dr. White's drill. He knew that he needed to finally get this out, and supposed there might be a bit of guilt that he hadn't taken time to really get to know someone so important to Kono.

His footsteps slowed until he was just walking, trying to catch his breath. Completely spent, he stood up to head back to the house. Seeing a sign out of the corner of his eye, he couldn't help but grin. Should he? What would she think? Finally making up his mind, he turned and headed down that street, hoping he was doing the right thing. Even though he was tired and sweaty, he had one stop to make before he headed back to Kono's house.

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Kono had cried in Steve's arms until she could cry no longer. She sat up, embarrassed at the large wet stain on his shirt. He glanced down in wry amusement. "Don't worry about it, babe. It'll dry." He got up to get her a cold wet washcloth to soothe her swollen eyes.

She thanked him with a small smile. "I think I liked it better when I was numb. At least then I could pretend that he was coming back. I could imagine that this was all some huge mistake. It's not, though."

Kono tucked her feet up under her legs before continuing. "Can I ask you something?"

Steve seated himself so that he was more comfortable. "Of course you can."

"Do you think that he felt any…?" She found that she couldn't actually make herself say the words to ask what she wanted to know.

Steve interrupted her thoughts. "Kono, no. Given his injuries, I'm sure that he didn't feel any pain. The Yakuza would have taken care of things quickly."

Kono tossed the washcloth on the floor and reached over to squeeze his hand. "Thanks. As fucking twisted as that is, it means a lot to me. I guess I was just afraid that, I don't know…I just needed to know that he didn't suffer."

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, followed by a muffled curse as something hit the floor. Steve and Kono made their way out into the living room to see Danny coming out of the spare bedroom looking like he was desperately trying to hide something.

Steve tried not to smirk. "Everything all right?"

Danny nodded quickly. "Yep, things are good. Everything is fine, why do you ask? Does it look like things aren't all right?"

Steve rolled his eyes. The torment was his for the taking. Danny was starting to babble, which given the look on his face, meant he was up to something. Steve paused for a moment before deciding to let him off the hook. He had stepped up and been a good friend to Kono. Whatever he was hiding was his own business.

"Danny. Kono. I'll just see myself out."

They watched him leave, not noticing the smirk on his face. Steve knew that Kono would be okay. Whatever Danny had planned would make sure of it; he had no doubt.

Once the door shut, Kono whirled around to face Danny. "Okay, spill. What are you hiding?"

Danny feigned innocence, his hands held out in front of him. "Who, me?"

Kono glared at him, her hands on her hips. "Danny Williams. Don't mess with me. I'm tired, cranky and the baby has decided that it is in serious need of chocolate. I'll ask you one more time. What are you hiding?"

Danny pondered his options, finally realizing that he had only one. "I'll tell you the truth, but you have to go sit on the couch, okay? And promise not to get mad?"

Kono smiled and sat down on the couch. She knew Danny would cave. She heard him fumbling around in the spare room and wondered what in the heck he was up to. Finally, she heard footsteps in the hallway. He poked his head around the corner, satisfied to see that she hadn't moved.

"Kono? I got you something. A present. I bet you wish it was new dishes, huh?"

Kono shot him a glare and rolled her eyes. "Smart ass."

Danny laughed to himself. "Damn straight. Now close your eyes."

She hesitated briefly, but figured that she might as well play along. She closed her eyes tightly, trying desperately to suppress the urge to peek. She trusted Danny, and she knew that he would never…_what in the ever-loving hell was that_?

Her eyes flew open as a tiny pink tongue licked the tip of her nose. Danny was holding the most adorable little caramel-colored bundle of fluff directly in front of her face. Before she could blink, the puppy licked her again. She reached out to take him…her…it from Danny. Immediately, the puppy nestled itself in the crook of her neck and started chewing on her hair. "Danny…?"

"Kono, I hope this is okay. I know that you had mentioned a while back that you were looking to get a dog. I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do or not, but I just thought that with everything that has happened, you deserved something that would make you happy. I know it's a lot of work, but I'll help out."

Danny couldn't help but smile at the sight on the couch. Kono was beaming as the puppy squirmed in her arms, letting out an occasional bark as she acclimated herself to her new home and to her new owner. "So, any ideas on what you'd like to name her?"

Kono couldn't speak for a moment. She felt something other than crushing sadness, for the first time in a while. She couldn't believe the lengths that Danny would go to make sure that she was okay. "Danny, first of all, you need to know that I don't need a puppy to make me happy. Your friendship does that, even though I haven't had a lot to be happy about lately. Second of all, thank you. This means more to me than I can say. You have been such a good friend through all of this, and I couldn't have gotten through this without you. You know that, right?"

Danny deflected, as he sometimes did when the attention was fully on him. "Well, you know…none of us wanted you to go through this on your own. Steve and Chin…we all care about you."

Kono gave him a soft smile. "You, Danny. I appreciate what Steve and Chin have done…I really do; but you went above and beyond. I can never thank you enough." She giggled as the puppy began tugging on the hem of her shirt. "She's a little feisty. I like that." Kono picked her up to hold her in front of her face, laughing as the puppy cocked her head to the side and let out a little growl. She tucked her back in her lap. "Anyway, when I was little, I read this story about a little girl who had a puppy. It was the cutest little dog. I remember begging my parents for a puppy just like the one in my book…I think that's where my obsession with having a dog started."

She paused as the puppy was now headed for Danny, who had sat down on the couch beside her. She grinned as she watched him cuddle her to his chest. "I think I'm going to name her Bailey, because she kind of is the same color as the Baileys that Adam and I had the night he proposed." Bailey chose that moment to give a little 'yip' of affirmation, as if she understood that she had been given her new name. Kono smiled, not even realizing that she had mentioned Adam without feeling like she had been stabbed in the chest. "Well, I guess that settles that. So, where did you find her?"

Danny stretched his legs out to put his feet on the coffee table as Bailey settled down to sleep in his lap, her head resting on her tiny paws. "I was on my way back from my run, and saw a sign that advertised the puppies. She's a six-month old cockapoo, and is housebroken already, which should help your stress level at first. The owner, Mrs. Yamimoto, sent some supplies with me, so she's got food, dishes and toys. I'll set her crate up in your room later on."

Kono glanced out of the corner of her eye at Danny. He met her gaze with one of confusion. "What?"

She couldn't stop the smile from forming. "You're a good man, Danny Williams. This has to be one of the best presents I have ever gotten. Adam would…" She trailed off, the light leaving her eyes for a brief moment. She took a deep breath and looked at Danny, a fond smile back upon her face. "Adam would have loved her too."

The rest of the evening was spent reminiscing about Adam in between bouts of puppy-therapy. There were a few tears shed, some happy and some not, but for the first time in a while, Kono wasn't reduced to complete sadness at the mention of his name. Maybe things were finally looking up.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Broken record time...thank you all so much for the reviews and follows...I really appreciate them (and you all)._

_I don't own anything related to Hawaii Five-0 or CBS. No copyright infringement is intended._

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Kono spent the next few days getting to know Bailey. She had already found out that she loved having her tummy rubbed, did not like to sleep in her cage, and was on a mission to chew everything she could find. Danny had figured out that Bailey loved his ties above any and all chew toy known to man, and if she couldn't get his ties, would chew on his hand, or ankle, or pant leg, or… If he didn't know better, he would have sworn that Steve put her up to demolishing every tie that he owned.

Kono was starting to show some signs of life, although Danny wasn't sure whether it was because she now had someone to care for in Bailey, or whether it was because the pregnancy was becoming more real, or whether it was because she was finally healing. She was eating more regularly, and she and whichever teammate was staying with her had gotten into a routine of walking Bailey in the mornings and the evenings.

Steve had stopped by one evening and gotten the full brunt of Bailey doing her best to try to protect Kono. Steve had hugged her, and had immediately found a small ball of tan fluff attached to his pant leg, her teeth in the cuff. Kono nearly collapsed with laughter. Steve was only mildly amused, to say the least.

They moved towards the couch, where Bailey had apparently and immediately forgiven Steve and promptly took her place on his lap. She rolled over, exposing her plump puppy tummy for him to rub. Kono got up to get a couple of glasses of iced tea, leaving Steve alone with the puppy. Once he was sure that no one was watching, he started rubbing her tummy, smiling as her back leg started twitching.

"You know, if you keep that up, someone might mistake you for an old softy."

Steve met the smirking gaze of his partner with one eyebrow raised. "I'm not old, thank you very much." Danny had been taking a nap, but woke up at the sound of the doorbell. He couldn't help but tease Steve, as he didn't often get the chance.

Kono grinned at the two and sat down, handing them both glasses and pulling a water bottle out of her pocket. "Steve…Danny…I wanted to thank both of you."

Steve looked a little uncomfortable at the idea of praise. He simply did what he felt was right, regardless of any accolades due to him. "For what?"

Kono turned so that she was facing her friends. "Where do I start? I know I've said it before, but I have to say it again. Thank you for being here for me these last few weeks. I don't know what I would have done without the two of you, and Chin. Thank you for making sure that I could…say goodbye to Adam safely. Thank you also for arranging my leave. I'm not sure when I'll be cleared to come back, and then I know some things will have to change…I'll have to be a little more careful."

Steve reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Take all the time you need, sweetheart. Everyone understands. And don't worry about work – you're still a vital part of Five-0. We know that we'll need to modify a few assignments, but there's no way we're going to keep you out of things. Okay?"

Kono smiled and nodded as Bailey climbed onto her lap and curled up into a little ball. She laid her head on her paws and fell asleep. Steve let out a breath he hardly knew he was holding, and Danny could hardly contain his grin. It was so good to finally see Kono smile again. They, along with Chin, worried about her more than they let on, from her physical safety to her emotional well-being. From Steve's perspective, after all of the mistakes he had made in his past, he just couldn't help himself from wanting to make sure she was safe.

He leaned over to hug Kono good-bye, careful not to disturb Bailey. "I need to stop by the office for a few minutes to check on a couple of things. You guys look comfortable. I'll just let myself out, okay?" He paused for a moment, before placing a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm proud of you, Kono."

Kono found her thoughts drifting to Adam, where they inevitably went most nights. She noticed that more often than not, she thought of the simple times that she and Adam were able to spend together. Those thoughts no longer filled her with agony over what she had lost, but rather, a sense of thankfulness that she had Adam in her life for as long as she had. She stretched out on the couch with Bailey pressed against her side and drifted off into a restless sleep.

Danny was loathe to disturb her, so he quietly moved into the kitchen to start dinner. Lately, she had told him that she just couldn't get enough pineapple, so while he still was moderately horrified by the fruit, he made sure there was always a bowl cut up in the refrigerator.

He had gone to the grocery store earlier, and knew that the chicken skewers were ready for her little patio grill. Kono would be pleased to see that hers would also contain a charred version of her favorite fruit.

_Kono smiled as she watched Adam glide through the water on his board. She never tired of watching him surf. He was more than his looks, but even she admitted that she was a very lucky woman in that regards._

_She finished lagging behind him and paddled out to catch up, laughing as he sat on his board and pretended to glare at his watch. He reached for her hand as she finally caught up to him. "Show off." She was smiling though, and couldn't help but squeal as he pulled her from her board and slipped into the water, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He had her arms pinned so that she was at his mercy. "What was that, Kalakaua?"_

_She giggled as he held her close, his body pressed tightly against her. He tortured her by leaning for a kiss and then pulling away at the last second. Finally, when she couldn't take much more, he leaned in and captured her mouth in a mind-numbing kiss that left them both breathless. _

_Breaking away, he felt a rush of love as he looked at Kono, her cheeks flushed and her lips kiss-swollen. He grabbed her hand and led her back to her board. They both climbed back on and sat, watching the swells and waiting for a good set of waves. _

_The two surfed together for the next hour before finally calling it a day. As they approached the shore on their final wave, Adam was livid when a tourist dropped in on Kono's wave. She was skilled enough to avoid collision, but he made sure he kept an eye on her until she was back on shore._

_He had a quiet word with the young man, who was fully apologetic. Kono just smiled softly to herself as she watched Adam clap the guy on the shoulder before turning and finding her waiting for him._

_"__What?" He was slightly self-conscious; her eyes never leaving his as she stalked towards him. _

_"__You're a really good guy, Adam Noshimuri. You…or I…could have ripped that kid a new one, but you didn't. You just keep amazing me, every day. I know I can protect myself, but I love you so much for wanting to protect me as well."_

_He leaned in for kiss, but before he did, he whispered, "I would protect you with my life, Kono." His lips finally met hers, and it was the perfect combination of fire and ice. He groaned as she threaded her fingers through his hair, her touch sending his nerves into a frenzy. _

_They pulled apart after a too-brief kiss, knowing they needed to give themselves time to clean up before their dinner reservations. "We should get going. Some of us need more time to get ready." Adam grinned as Kono smacked his shoulder. _

_"__Just what are you implying, mister?" Kono smirked, knowing they both shared the blame for how long it took them. Sometimes…they got distracted. _

_Adam playfully swatted her rear end as they headed for the car. "I'm just saying…being distracted is not a bad thing." He quickly stole another kiss before opening her door. "Drive safely…I'll see you in an hour."_

_Kono nodded, her fingers lightly resting on her lips, as she savored the feeling of his kiss. "I will. I love you, Adam."_

_Adam's smile was soft and showed completely through his face. "I love you, too. So much."_

Danny poked his head into the living room, wiping the marinade from his hands. He listened for sounds that would signal that Kono was awake. Hearing none, peered over the back of the couch to check on his friend and grinned. Kono was on her side, still asleep on the couch with Bailey curled up next to the tiny baby bump that she had just started sporting.

At the sound of footsteps, Bailey lifted her head to see who was in the room. Seeing Danny, her tail started wagging furiously. He shook his head before coming around to pick her up from the couch. He carried her into the guest room while he changed. He set her on the bed and laughed as she immediately started chewing on the towel that he had left there. She would ignore his ties if there was a towel around, thank goodness.

"Yep, your favorite chew toy is here. You know, your mommy bought you all of those really great toys, and yet you'd rather chew on my stuff. I guess you just have good taste; is that it, you little fur ball?"

He was rewarded for his name calling by an indignant little bark from the middle of the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and was immediately attacked by Bailey, who tugged energetically on the bottom of his shirt. He carefully lay down on his back, laughing as she climbed up on his chest to lick him mercilessly on his chin and cheeks. Every time he tried to pull her away, she managed to scramble back and lick him again. Their wrestling match grew frenzied as her licks escalated to yips and growls, causing Danny to finally give up. Sensing victory, Bailey settled next to his side, occasionally licking Danny's fingers as he tried to pet her.

"You know what, Bailey? Your mom is starting to feel better, which means that pretty soon, I'm going to go back to my house. When I go, you're going to have to take care of her, okay? Make sure that if her eyes leak, you lick her face and make her smile. Don't eat her food, 'cause she needs to eat her own, okay? It's up to you, girl. So, can I count on you?"

Bailey gave a little woof in affirmation. "Good girl. Who's a good girl?"

Bailey barked at the doorway and Danny knew that he had been busted. He turned to see Kono smirking. Apparently she had just woken up and had come to see what the commotion was all about. "Big bad Danny, with a puppy wrapped around his finger. Better not let Grace find out."

Danny turned to the puppy that was now chewing on his belt. "Do you hear that? Do you hear how she treats me? Rude, I tell you." He turned to smile as Kono made her way to sit on the edge of the bed. "So, how much of that did you hear?"

Kono reached out to squeeze his hand. "Enough to adore you for caring."

Danny wrapped his arm around her for a quick hug, placing a kiss on top of her head. "So, did you have a good nap?"

Kono reached for Bailey and cuddled her to her chest. "It was okay. I had that dream again, the one that I told you about."

Danny gave her a sympathetic smile. "The surfing one?" At her nod, he asked, "So, are you okay?"

She shook her head slowly. "It's not great, but it's getting a little easier with time. This may sound weird, but I'm glad that I can remember him without crying all the time. It was getting so difficult for a while…I didn't want to have to compartmentalize him away somewhere where he would be safe, but I'd never get to think of him."

Danny took a moment to wrap his head around what she had just said. "Strangely enough, that makes sense. Babe, the nature of our job is to compartmentalize things that are too tough to talk about. It's how we survive. I'm happy that you can remember the good times and the bad…all of the things that made you and Adam who you were, both together and apart. "

Kono seemed lost in thought. "Danny, do you ever wish that…that…you weren't stuck here? That you didn't have to baby-sit me? I'm taking you away from your daughter, and that's not fair…all because I can't...or shouldn't be left alone."

Danny looked a little angry and a lot stunned. _Was that how she saw herself?_ "Where the hell did that come from? _Of cou_rse I'm glad to be here. Kono, I hate that I never took time to get to know Adam like you did…I mean, not '_like'_ like you did, but you know what I mean. I don't know if I can explain this or not, but helping you makes me feel like I actually got to know him a little better. Plus, you're family to me. There is no way I...or any of us...would let you go through this alone. You'd have done the same for any of us...so why is it so hard to accept that we wanted to do this for you?"

Kono threw her arms around him in a tight hug, and all Danny could do was hug her back. He understood that this was one of those speed bumps that happened in the course of grieving. Without warning, Danny suddenly started shaking, causing Kono to pull back, afraid that he had broken down.

She followed his gaze, however, to where Bailey was tugging on the side hem of his shirt, a little annoyed that her favorite human toy was being hugged by someone else. Kono picked her up and looked directly into her eyes. "Get over it, missy. I can hug him if I want to."

Danny smirked. "Yep, she loves me. I can tell." He took her from Kono and held her up to his face. "Don't you, Bailey. You love your Uncle Danny, don't you?" He had barely finished that sentence when Bailey rewarded him with a tiny wet sneeze. Danny glared as he wiped his face, having caught it full force. "Seriously, furball…did you _have_ to do that?"

Kono could not contain her laughter. "I'm going to go with yes. I'd say she's got the fine art of tension breaking down, wouldn't you?"

Danny rolled his eyes and stood up from the bed, holding a hand for Kono to join him. "So, dinner?"

Kono giggled and followed him into the kitchen. She got the paper plates and glasses down from the cabinet and set the table. Danny brought the platter with the kabobs over while Kono popped the cap off of a Longboard and set it by his plate.

They spent the remainder of the evening enjoying dinner before moving out to the couch to watch a movie. They settled on _The Princess Bride_, which according to Danny, had 'the right mix of action and girl-stuff'.

Kono laughed as Danny thumbed away a tear at the end of the movie. He tried to convince her that he had something in his eye, but she wasn't buying it. They reluctantly stood up to head for bed, once the credits finished rolling and the room was plunged into darkness. There was enough light from the hallway for Kono to meet Danny's gaze and she hugged him tightly for a moment. "I know I'm like a broken record, but I wish there was something more I could do or say. I just…"

Danny squeezed her a little tighter. "Babe, seeing you happier is thanks enough. I know that there's still a ways to go before you reach the 'better' stage, but as long as you keep trying, that's all that matters, right?"

Kono broke apart to pick up Bailey from her makeshift bed on the couch. "You know, I keep thinking of what you said to me when I was in the hospital, about concentrating on one minute, then one hour, then one day."

At his surprised look, she replied, "Believe it or not, I did hear you. I may not have been ready to listen, but I did hear you. I think that this time…right now…is my one day. I've managed to make it through enough minutes and hours at a time to live from day to day. I know I keep saying it, but I have you to thank for that." She kissed him on the cheek before heading to her room for the night.

Danny made his way through the living room, turning off lights and making sure that the doors were locked. He really felt like Kono had turned a corner. Maybe now, she would be able to focus on and enjoy the rest of her pregnancy. He knew that she would regret it if she spent the remaining months in a fog. He made a note to talk to Steve tomorrow about using his place for a team get-together, but he thought that maybe it was time to bring Grace on board. She had presents to pass out, and if there was anyone who could get Kono out of her head for a little while, it was his whirlwind of a daughter.

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	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Sorry for the delay. Real life has been kind of mean lately. Two former students of mine (now twenty years old) had a baby that was born 16 weeks early - and he passed away this week at 16 days old. It just really made me sad for them - they were awesome kids, and are having such a hard time. So after everything from this week, I figured I needed something to smile about - so it's time to see what Grace picked out for her presents._

_I own nothing related to CBS or Hawaii Five-0. No copyright infringement intended._

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The next morning, plans were put in place for a small get-together at Steve's house. It wasn't set up to be a raucous party on the beach, but rather a quiet gathering of friends. Kono cautiously agreed, knowing that she needed to test the social waters, so to speak.

Danny had Grace for the night, and Kono had assured him that she would be fine on her own for an evening. He wasn't convinced, though, but needn't worry; as Chin, who had brought breakfast for the team, threw an arm around her shoulder, hugging her close. "I'd like to hang out with you tonight, ipo…if you don't mind. It's a little too quiet at my place."

Kono was secretly relieved – she was willing to be alone, but her heart just wasn't sure how truly ready she was. She had grown so accustomed to having someone around…the background noise helped keep her dark thoughts at bay.

She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. She could feel herself trembling, and willed her muscles to settle the hell down. She was so tired of not feeling like she belonged in her own skin. Her emotions were all over the place, and she was exhausted trying to keep up with the mood swings…hell, most days it felt more like a mood playground.

Chin could tell that she was struggling with herself and lightly squeezed her shoulder. "One step at a time, cuz." Leaving her to her thoughts, he moved back towards the kitchen, hoping the coffee was ready. He knew that there wasn't any magical thing he could say to take her pain away, but hoped that knowing he was there for her would give her some peace.

A small bark had her glancing down to where Bailey was sitting, her head cocked to the side. "I know…you know something is going on today, don't you? I'll take you for a walk in a little while, and then I'm going to Steve's – but I'll be back later. You'll just have to be good in your crate while I'm gone."

Bailey crouched down and growled, obviously in the mood to play, and Kono couldn't help but smile. "All right, you little fuzzball. Let's go." Kono grabbed one of the small tennis balls that were in a basket by the door and headed out into the backyard. Maybe a few minutes of puppy therapy would benefit both of them?

Unbeknownst to Kono, Danny and Chin were watching her from the window. "It looks good on her, doesn't it?"

Chin gave Danny a quizzical look, not sure what he was referring to. "What's that?"

Danny turned to his friend. "Kono smiling. It looks good on her."

Chin nodded his understanding. "Yeah, it does. I was afraid it was gone. It's been a rough go, to say the least."

Danny heard something in his voice and gave him a look. "It's been rough for you, too, though. Hasn't it?"

Chin exhaled, trying to gather his thoughts. "I'll admit it. It's been rough watching Kono go through all of this, because it just reminds me again that Malia is gone. I mean, I've worked through it, and most days I'm fine – but seeing Kono, as young as she is and having to deal with this? Sometimes the world is a seriously messed up place.

Danny knew that Chin was just venting the way he knew how. He wasn't looking for sympathy or anything like that. "That it is, man. That it is."

The two headed out towards the backyard, following the sound of Kono's giggles competing against Bailey's yips and growls. It was a toss-up as to who currently had more volume, so the guys merely called it a wash.

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Kono had gotten quiet the closer they got to Steve's, and Chin reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "You okay, ipo?"

Kono smiled halfheartedly. "Just thinking…I miss Adam, but today was a day where I just _really_ missed him. I mean, that's always the case, but today it almost physically hurt. I know that sounds stupid to just want a hug from him or to feel him next to me, but…"

Chin shook his head. "Not stupid at all, Kono. I remember about a month after…after Malia was gone…I woke up one morning and her pillow was tight up against my back. In that moment before I was fully awake, I swore she was there holding me. I was so disappointed to have to get out of bed, where the reality was that I was alone."

Kono looked thoughtfully at her cousin, truly understanding just how deep his grief went. She hated that she had ever been so angry and so against him and Malia getting together – it just felt like wasted time now that she had been slapped with the reality of just how short life really is.

Chin had a feeling that he knew what was going on in her head. "No regrets, Kono. I see where your head is going. At least for me – I really think that things happen for a reason. I can't keep looking back any longer…Malia wouldn't want me to, and I don't want to. It's too exhausting sometimes. It's time to move forward, wherever the wind takes my life."

Kono must have looked alarmed because Chin chuckled. "No, I'm not making any drastic moves or changes, cuz…I'm just saying that it's time to put my sadness to bed. You're not there yet – and nobody expects you to be. We're all just happy that you're letting yourself smile once in a while. Right now, it's enough – remember what I said earlier…take things one day at a time. In a few more months, you'll have a lot more to smile about, too."

Kono let her thoughts drift the last few minutes of the drive, and by the time they had arrived at Steve's, she was back in the present. She climbed out and followed Chin around back, where Steve, Danny, and Grace were already busy grilling and playing in the sand.

"Hey, guys." Steve hugged Kono and kissed the top of her head before turning back towards the grill. "You know where everything is…help yourself."

Danny had spotted Chin and Kono, and was on his way up to meet them. Grace was unusually subdued, but Danny had spoken to her earlier and understood what was on her mind. While she had been upbeat following their conversation, it was clear that she was starting to think about things again.

_"__Danno? Is Auntie Kono still sad? I want to give her a hug, but I'm not sure if that will make her sadder."_

_Danny smiled softly at his daughter, amazed at her huge heart. "Monkey, I think that a hug from you will be the best thing for Kono. Don't you always feel better when you get a hug when you're sad?"_

_Grace nodded, her braids bouncing. "I do, but sometimes it makes me think of why I'm getting the hug, and then it makes me sad all over again."_

_Danny blinked a few times, trying to follow his daughter's train of thought. "I think I get it – you're afraid that if you hug Kono, she'll think about the fact that she's getting the hug because you want her to feel better…which will remind her that she was sad in the first place?"_

_Danny was proud of himself – he really thought he had her train of thought._

_Grace smiled. "Right. But I really want to give her a hug. Maybe I'll just tell her I missed her, and try not to let her think about being sad."_

_Danny caught Grace up into a hug and spun her around. "You, my most amazing Monkey daughter, are perfection in human form. Don't ever lose that side of you that wants to make people feel better, okay?"_

_Grace's giggle helped lift the weight that had stifled Danny from the inside out, and as he put her down, he immediately was pulled down and given a smacking kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Danno."_

_He tugged at her braids as she scampered off. "Love you too, Grace."_

Danny felt Grace's fingers wrap around his thumb, and he squeezed back in support. He knew that she had nothing to worry about, but until she saw Kono for herself, it likely would be on her mind.

Danny reached Kono first and quickly gathered her into a hug. "Hey, Rookie. How are you doing?"

Kono smiled in return. "One day at a time, right?" She turned to where Grace was almost hiding behind Danny. Grace had always been exuberant and bubbly around her, so Kono wasn't quite sure why she was suddenly so shy.

"Hi Grace."

Grace stepped closer. "Hi Kono. I missed you."

Kono knelt down and Grace was immediately in her arms. "Aww, I missed you too."

Grace mumbled against her shoulder, and Kono had to pull back to hear what she said. Catching Danny's gaze as he made a walking motion with his fingers and gestured his head towards the beach, Kono got what he was hinting at. "Hey Grace. Do you want to go for a walk with me?"

Grace smiled and nodded her head. Maybe it would be easier to tell Kono she was sorry if there weren't a lot of people around. She reached for Kono's hand, and the two headed off down the stretch of sand lining Steve's beach.

As the two took off, Steve and Chin both approached Danny. "Is Grace okay?"

Danny nodded, his eyes watching their progress. "Yeah. She was worried about how to approach Kono – and was afraid that if she tried to make her feel better, she'd upset her more. I swear…that kid of mine…I don't know where she got her good heart from, but I'm a lucky parent."

Steve lightly flicked Danny in the back of the head and gave him a glare. "What do you mean you don't know where she gets her heart from? Seriously?"

Danny shook his head. "No, I know…but sometimes I just can't believe she's _mine_, you know? I've made some mistakes in my life, but having a kid like her makes me feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world."

The three watched as Kono and Grace stopped by the water, and they could only wonder at the conversation taking place with the waves as their only audience.

"Grace? You're pretty quiet. Is everything okay?" Kono sat down, immediately digging her toes into the soft sand.

Grace wasn't sure how to start, but finally looked up from where she had plopped down next to her. "I just…I'm sorry Auntie Kono. I didn't know Adam that much, but I'm sorry he died. And I'm sorry you're sad. I told Danno that I wanted to hug you, but didn't want to make you feel bad."

Kono blinked furiously to stop the tears from flowing. It wasn't that she was upset or that Grace's admission made her sad, but the fact that Grace cared enough to even worry about upsetting her choking up. "Sweetheart…that's just…"

Grace let out a muffled 'oomph' as Kono caught her up into a tight hug. "I appreciate you wanting to look out for me, but you don't have to. A hug from you would never make me feel bad, I promise."

Grace took that opportunity to squeeze Kono as tightly as she could, trying to put everything that she couldn't say into that hug. Sometimes a gesture spoke way louder than words did.

Grace was quite intuitive, and had scooted herself so close that she was almost in Kono's lap, resting her head on her shoulder. "Auntie Kono? Are you okay?"

Kono nodded, her throat clogging up with the innocent question. "I will be, sweetheart. I'm not sure when, but I will be. I'm better than I was, thanks to your dad. And Uncle Steve and Uncle Chin – they have all been there for me, even when I didn't know what I needed."

Grace smiled at hearing how great her dad had been. "They love you, and want you to be happy."

Kono wiped her eyes using her thumbs and gave Grace one more squeeze. "I know they do. And I have to be honest. You caring about me was the best medicine of all. I'll admit it. I have times where I'm just sad. I miss Adam, but I know he wouldn't want me to be sad all the time. So I'm trying. Some days work better than others, but I'm trying. Will you keep hugging me if I need it?"

Grace smiled and wrapped her arms around Kono's waist. "Any time you want. I can even give you my cell phone number – you can call or text if you need a friend."

Kono's eyes filled again. Danny's daughter was one amazing little girl. "I'll do that, Grace. I promise."

Grace stood up and reached for Kono's hand. "Can we go back now? I have a present for you – actually for everyone."

Kono nodded and let Grace pull her up. She still hadn't completely gotten her strength back yet. She had gotten over much of the nausea that had plagued her, but still had very little appetite. Nothing sounded appealing to her at all, and most days, she had to force herself to eat.

She had been craving protein lately though, so Steve made sure there were plenty of things on the grill that Kono had even mentioned as _possibly_ something she _might_ not hate. As the two walked back to where the guys were all waiting, Kono could see that the food was spread out all over the table.

Grace informed everyone that the plan for the afternoon was to eat, open the presents that she brought, and then build sand castles on the beach. She wanted Kono to take her surfing, but understood when her dad told her that Kono still wasn't quite up for it just yet.

The men were pleased to see Kono actually eat more than she had eaten in a while, and Grace was the ideal company, keeping them all laughing at one story or another. Kono was so caught up in listening to and watching Grace that she managed to put away three chicken tenders, half of a sweet potato that had been foil-wrapped and thrown on the coals, and a coconut frozen fruit bar for dessert. It still wasn't much, but it was probably the most she had eaten at one time in the past few weeks.

By the time things were wrapped up and put away, Grace was practically vibrating with excitement. She couldn't wait to give out her bears. Deciding to finally put her out of her misery, the adults all gathered on the lanai, where Grace was surrounded by boxes.

"Okay. I started out wanting to get Auntie Kono a present to help her feel better, but while I was there, Danno gave me a suggestion, and I thought it might be fun to get bears for everyone. I tried to find something that matched you guys, and I hope you like them."

Grace handed Chin his bear, and delighted in his excitement over his bear. The bear was wearing a Hawaiian print shirt, sunglasses, and came with a motorcycle as an accessory.

Steve picked Grace up and spun her around after he opened his box and saw what Grace thought of as his likeness. Steve's bear was wearing a camouflage uniform, combat helmet, and 'Bearland' boots, but also had a Navy uniform if "Uncle Steve ever wanted to change the clothes" – Danny was still chuckling at Grace's insistence that Steve would most certainly play with his bear. There was also a set of camouflage gear, including a pop up tent.

The best part for Steve, though, was the modified thigh holster that Grace had put on. It was supposed to be an armband for a music player (in bear size) but _someone_ had convinced her to put it on the bear's leg. He had to admit – it fit who he was, and he loved that Grace had thought of him.

Danny finally got to see what was in his bear box, and accepted everyone's laughter as he opened his bear complete with a police uniform, hat, and an accessory pack that included handcuffs, a nightstick, sunglasses, and a set of crutches "in case Uncle Steve makes you hurt your knee again, Danno". Danny just squeezed Grace tight, amazed yet again at the sheer size of her heart.

Grace was a little cautious as she gave Kono the box with her bear inside. She really wanted her to like it, and wasn't sure that she had made the right choice. The bear's boardies had sharks on them, and she had also gotten a lifeguard shirt, a surfboard and a towel. But it was what was inside the bear that she hoped Kono had liked.

She didn't know why she had insisted on this, but Kono's bear had a sound device in his paw. When she pressed on it, it gave the sound of a beating heart. It was designed to mimic the sound of a mother's heartbeat for a baby. Grace explained to Kono, as she had explained to her dad in the store, that it sort of made her feel safe when she heard it, and thought that it might make Kono feel the same.

Kono could not contain her tears as Grace pressed the button. All she could do was simply drop her head and hug the bear to her chest.

Grace thought she had upset her somehow and looked to Danny in alarm. "I'm sorry, Danno. I didn't mean to make her sadder." Grace was on the verge of tears, so Danny just picked her up, letting her bury her face into his neck.

"Aww, Monkey. It's okay, I promise. Kono's not mad at you."

Kono heard his words to his daughter and gasped softly. She wasn't upset like Grace thought she was. _But how could she explain it to Grace?_ "Grace, can you come here? Please?"

Kono patted the cushion next to her, and waited for Grace to come closer. She felt awful that Grace had misunderstood her reaction, and wanted to try to set things straight. Before she said anything, Kono wrapped her arms around the young girl and gave her a hug. "Thank you so much for my bear, Grace. I really, really love it."

She sat back and wiped at her eyes, her bear in her lap. Grace just shook her head.

"I didn't mean to make you sad…I really didn't. I just thought that since you were sad, it might make you feel better."

Kono smiled gently. "And it did, Grace. I promise. The tears were because of the heartbeat. Remember that I told you how much I missed Adam? Well, hearing that heartbeat just reminded me so much of him – it almost felt like he was right there with me. So the tears were half sad because I missed him, but half happy because you got me such an amazing gift that will remind me of him, whenever I squeeze the hand and hear that sound."

The guys had all taken seats around her, and Grace appeared much more settled than she had been at the thought of hurting her Auntie Kono.

"Grace, can I tell you something? It's been kind of a secret, because the only people who know what I'm about to tell you are your dad, Steve, and Chin. But I think you're special enough to tell, too. What do you think?"

Grace grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "I promise I'll also keep it a secret if you want me to."

Kono shook her head. People would figure it out soon enough. "Well, Miss Grace. One good thing that I found out after Adam died is that…in about six and a half months, I'm going to have a baby."

Grace actually cheered out loud and jumped up to hug Kono properly. "That's so cool, Auntie Kono! I'm really happy for you. I'll even help babysit if you want me to."

Kono was smiling when Grace finally sat back down. "Thanks, munchkin. I'm happy now, too. That even makes your present that much more perfect, because after the baby is born, he or she can listen to the heartbeat, too."

Grace's eyes were shining as she tucked herself closer to Kono. What had potentially been a big bump in her excitement had quickly been smoothed over, and all was now well in her world.

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	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Someone messaged me wondering if Kono shouldn't be farther in the grief process - all I can say is that grief takes time, and looks different for different people. When my dad died, I had days where I felt somewhat human, and then days where I couldn't get out of bed...and that continued for months. We're going to see Kono have good days, and bumpy days...but regardless of what kind of day she has, I thank you all for the comments._

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After their lunch wound down, Danny packed Grace and her things and headed off for their night together. Grace had immediately grabbed Kono for a hug, squeezing gently around her middle and placing a soft kiss against her belly. "Bye, baby. I'm Grace, by the way. I'm going to be your friend once you get here. Be good."

Danny just grinned as he tried to follow her conversation, but she was so wiped out from an afternoon of playing in the surf and sun that she was a bit loopy. All of the adults were inwardly squealing to themselves though, as they heard Grace trying to bond with Kono's baby. It really was quite adorable.

Kono kissed the top of her head, and passed her off to Chin and then Steve for their good-bye hugs. Grace giggled as Steve swept her up into his arms for a ride to the car, while Chin helped Kono gather her things so that they could go back to her house.

While Steve was helping buckle Grace into her seat, Danny stepped over to Kono and wrapped her up. "You going to be okay tonight?" Danny knew that Kono had had a few breakthroughs, but was still grieving. Even though Chin was going to stay the night, Danny couldn't help but worry a little bit.

Kono sighed, knowing that she owed it to Danny to be honest. "I'm going to have to learn how to get back on my feet someday, right?"

Danny stepped back and smiled, understanding – he thought – where she was coming from. "Well, Grace wanted me to tell you that we're bringing breakfast tomorrow. She's got a late start at school, so I don't have to have her there until 10:30. She insisted that we bring malasadas for everyone. Steve already said he'd be over by about 9:00, if that sounds okay with you."

Kono nodded in agreement. "We'll have the decaf waiting for you guys. Maybe bring some juice that Grace likes…as you know, the baby hasn't been a fan of juice the past few days, and I had to toss everything that even resembled it."

Danny grimaced as he remembered Kono's last attempt at drinking a glass of mango-guava juice blend. It was a hideous color the second time around, to say the least. "Still rebelling, huh?"

Kono made a face. "Yeah…I'll just stick to tea. Or maybe make a smoothie or something." She had discovered that ice-cold fruit slushes had done wonders to settle her stomach lately, especially if she blended in a few pieces of crystallized ginger.

Danny nodded as he gave Kono's arm a squeeze. "Text me tomorrow if there's anything specific you want, and I'll bring it over. Okay? And promise me – if you need me for anything, you'll call me. I mean it…I know Chin has things covered, but if you're worried about waking him up or whatever, then you call me."

Kono blinked the tears from her eyes. _Danny was such a good friend to her. How was she supposed to pay him back for that? _"I will, Danny. I promise."

He waved as he got into the car, ready to take his baby girl home. She had asked if they could get the tent out and curl up inside with snacks and the laptop and watch _Finding Nemo_. Danny had seen it more times than he could count, but it had currently rotated to the top of Grace's favorites list, so _of course_ he would oblige her request.

As Danny's taillights grew smaller in the distance, Steve walked with the cousins back to Chin's SUV. Another round of hugs had Steve heading back to the lanai to finish cleaning up the grill, and Chin and Kono heading back towards her house.

Chin was happy to see Kono smiling and more relaxed. She was still holding her bear, and Chin was even more thankful to Grace for figuring out how to give Kono what she needed. Leave it to a child to come up with the most simplistic form of therapy – a tangible hug that Kono could keep nearby.

The drive home was done in silence, but there was a distinct decrease in the sadness that had been present on the drive over to Steve's. Chin kept a subtle watch over his cousin as he pulled into the driveway and turned the ignition off.

Kono quickly unbuckled and climbed out of the vehicle, but waited for Chin to catch up. She knew that Bailey would most likely need out into the yard, but she hoped Chin wouldn't mind coming on a walk with them. "Are you up for keeping me company? I want to take Bailey for a walk down to the beach."

Chin smiled as they headed up the walkway. Bailey was crated, but the second she heard the key in the lock, she started barking for someone to come and let her out. "She missed you, cuz."

Kono pushed the door open and immediately headed for Bailey, who was practically climbing the metal grate of her door. "Okay, okay…just a minute." Kono quickly had the crate open and giggled as Bailey took off like a shot through the house. Even Chin laughed as the puppy tried to stop, but ended up skidding into the doorway leading to the kitchen.

Her sudden stop didn't deter Bailey from her mission, which was to remind Kono that she was there and to encourage her to take her outside.

It took Kono a few moments to corral the puppy into stopping so that she could clip the leash onto her collar, but before long, the three were heading down the walk. It only took a few minutes before Kono felt the shift in the breeze, signaling that they were approaching the walkway that would lead them to the beach.

Kono always felt a sense of excitement as she stepped out onto the sand. This wasn't her normal beach, but given everything that had happened, she wasn't too upset about it. Since Danny had brought Bailey into her life, Kono had wanted to find a space that was appropriate for both of them, and she had been lucky enough to find a pet-friendly beach not too far from her house. It wasn't usually crowded, either, which appealed to Kono's sense of privacy these days.

Once they broke free of the tree line, Kono unclipped Bailey's leash and let her run. This time of the evening, there weren't too many other people with pets on the beach, and the ones that were there were on leashes. Kono loved this beach because it had fencing from entrance to exit, in case an exuberant dog was to take off. Bailey never seemed to run far, though – she preferred to stay with Kono.

The cousins found a spot of sand near the shoreline and sat down, keeping Bailey in sight. The puppy was having the time of her life splashing along the waterline. She would need a bath when they got back, but Kono didn't mind. It was worth it to see her having so much fun after being left alone for much of the day.

Chin glanced at Kono, happy that she seemed to have turned a corner, but worried because he knew that there was much more underneath the surface. He reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. "How are you doing, cuz? I mean, really…not what you think I want to hear?"

Kono sighed. A part of her knew that this conversation had been in the works for some time. She was dreading it in the sense that she never wanted to let her older cousin down, and if he found out how she truly had felt, he would be so disappointed.

"I'm better, I guess. It was…I was…" She blew out a breath and turned to watch the water, frustrated at her inability to even start the damned conversation.

"Hey, Kono…whatever it is…it's okay. I promise you. I _get_ it, alright?" Chin was sympathetic to her struggle. She was inherently a private person, and he was pushing her to share something deeply painful. Grief was like an infected wound…if you didn't get it out, it would fester until it did irreparable harm.

"Did I ever tell you about the months after Malia died? I was such a mess." Chin hoped that she would take his lead and start to unburden herself of what was weighing her down. For as much as he could see her improvement, he knew that there were so many more layers to her grief that she hadn't even tapped into yet.

Kono spent a few moments just letting handfuls of sand flow through her fingers; the repetition calming her nerves. "I didn't care, Chin. I just wanted to be with Adam."

Chin cocked his head to the side, a little unsure of where she was going. "What's that, Kono?"

She spared a glance before turning back to the task at hand. If she tried to look at him and admit what she had done, she'd never go through with it. "For a time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to even live. I just wanted to be where Adam was. I was in such a dark place…I wasn't sure I would ever find my way out."

Chin reached out and took Kono's hand. "It's okay, cuz. I really get it." He waited for her to meet his gaze before nodding. "There were days when I couldn't imagine a life without Malia…and I didn't want to be in one without her."

Kono's heart dropped. "God, Chin. I'm so sorry. I never knew you were struggling like that. What kind of cousin does that make me?" She was furious with herself for not doing more to make sure Chin was okay. A squeeze of her shoulder stopped her ranting, though.

"Kono, stop. You didn't know or see it, because I didn't _let_ you know or see. I couldn't…that part of my grief was mine and mine alone. At the time, it's what I thought I had to do. I know now that it wasn't really the healthiest thing for me, shutting everyone out like I did."

Kono wrapped her arm around Chin's waist and rested her head against his shoulder. "Just like, I know that _you're_ not letting people see that part of you, either. Yeah, we've seen you grieve, but that dark place was kept unlit from the rest of the world. I understand, Kono. I truly do. It's hard to share something like that. But I promise you, you don't have to hide from me. You don't have to hide from any of us."

Kono wiped at her tears, letting Chin's words fully sink in. She nodded and absorbed the feel of him rubbing her back; his touch grounding her to the here and now. During that dark time of her early grieving, she had felt like she was so far down into that proverbial black hole that she wasn't sure she would ever get out again. But inch by inch, she had climbed up the rope that her ohana had thrown to her. She wasn't all the way out yet, but at least could see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

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After a good twenty minutes of playing, Bailey finally crashed, using Chin's lap as a pillow. As she stared at the sleeping puppy, Kono felt lighter…not quite as hollow as she had been feeling since Adam's death. Talking to Chin had helped her see that what she was feeling, and the way she was reacting was very much a normal part of grief. She just needed to give herself a break.

She shivered a little, the breeze cooling as the sun headed for bed. "You ready to head back?" Chin's voice was quiet, wanting to keep their peaceful bubble just a bit longer.

Kono nodded, knowing that it was time to go back home. She stood, and then smiled as Chin gracefully stood up while keeping Bailey in his arms. The dog simply licked Chin's arm and rested her chin against the inside of his elbow.

The two cousins walked back towards Kono's house, enjoying the view of the setting sun. Kono had a tiny flicker of warmth deep down inside of her, remembering how many sunsets she and Adam had enjoyed together. More often than not these days, thinking of him brought a smile to her heart. There were times, especially late at night, where she felt the pain of losing him in an actual physical way, but at least those times weren't every moment of every day any more.

Bailey perked up as they approached the walkway leading up to Kono's door, and by the time Kono had the door open, the puppy was raring to go again. Kono just laughed as Bailey immediately headed for the kitchen, knowing that dinner would soon be on its way.

Kono hated to be the bad guy, but Bailey was a mess and she needed to get her clean before they could do anything about her dinner situation. She quickly headed for the guest bathroom, where the dog shampoo was kept underneath the sink.

She heard Chin getting their dinner ready, so she quickly lifted Bailey into the bathtub. Using the detachable showerhead, she made quick work of shampooing the puppy and rinsing her off. As soon as the water was shut off, Bailey shook, sending droplets of water flying everywhere and making Kono giggle out loud. "I guess that was payback for delaying your dinner, huh, babe?"

Bailey just let out a yip as Kono wrapped an old towel around her and picked her up. Sitting on the floor, Kono set her in the vee between her legs and gently dried her off, laughing as the puppy squirmed and wriggled around. She was a dog who certainly loved her bath time.

Satisfied that she was dried enough, she opened the door of the bathroom and grinned as Bailey took off at a dead run; one destination in mind – the kitchen.

Following her out, Kono quickly took care of Bailey's food and water, and grabbed a beer from the fridge for Chin, while adding a bottle of water for herself. Her stomach was quite nauseous, so she decided to hold off on eating dinner for now. She tucked her feet underneath her legs as she sat on the couch, angling herself so that she was facing Chin.

Chin took an appreciative sip of his beer before setting it on the end table next to his plate. "This probably is going to be a stupid question because I really don't know the answer; but have you felt the baby move yet or is it too soon?"

Kono smiled softly. "I haven't yet – but I'm actually looking forward to that. I think that'll make it seem more real, you know? I asked Danny once and he said from what he remembered with Rachel, that it might be another month or more, still."

Chin nodded, his expression kind. "Do you have any pregnancy books? Or is it just the pamphlets from the doctor?"

Kono shrugged one shoulder. "I haven't really felt much like going out and shopping – so I haven't bought any books or anything." She looked a little dejected and so Chin quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Hey…Kono, look at me." He waited until her eyes were on him. "There's nothing wrong with that, cuz. Nothing at all. It's understandable that you wouldn't have felt up for shopping. So maybe tomorrow, we can go to the bookstore and get a couple of books that you can look through if you want, okay? I know Steve and Danny and Grace were coming over for breakfast, but how about after Grace goes to school, we go shopping, and then if you're up for it, we can go over to Adam's house?"

Kono nodded, her eyes damp. _Stupid hormones._ She couldn't get her throat to work enough to even respond, but Chin seemed to understand her sudden nervousness. "You don't have to do this alone, ipo. We'll give you space, but you won't be alone. I promise."

Kono simply leaned over and wrapped her arms around Chin's neck, absorbing his strength. She didn't care that tears were now rolling down her cheeks – she was just grateful that Chin _got it_, and she didn't have to try to brush off her fears.


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Hawaii Five-0 or CBS. No copyright infringement is intended._

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Kono had been dozing in her room for the past hour, but wasn't fully asleep. No matter which way she turned, her stomach protested the change in direction. She hadn't had many days of full blown morning sickness, although she'd had moments where her stomach liked to turn itself inside out.

Without warning, Kono suddenly was struck by the realization that she needed to get to the bathroom, _now!_ Throwing the sheet off, she hurried to the bathroom, where she barely had time to kneel down before her stomach made its presence known in a rather vicious way.

Coughing as the bile burned against the back of her throat, Kono's eyes watered as she sank back against the tub. She really needed her stomach to settle down. Without warning, her eyes flooded with real tears as she fervently wished that Adam was here with her; holding her; helping her feel grounded against the violent spinning inside her head.

She sat for another ten minutes before carefully standing up and making her way to the sink. She didn't want to turn the light on, so she relied on feeling her way around. She swished some water around in her mouth, followed by some mouthwash, hoping it would be enough until morning when she could see what she was doing. Satisfied that her stomach was going to stay put, she finally decided to head back to her room.

She stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a box of crackers and some Sprite. It wasn't much, but she knew she needed to put something down there to help settle things. She knew that she could have woken Chin up, but she really didn't want to disturb him for something as trivial – in her frustrated mind, anyway – as needing her deceased fiancé. As she settled back underneath the sheets, she caught sight of her phone next to her bed.

She sank back against her pillow and blew out a frustrated breath. _She shouldn't bug him about something stupid like this._ _And yet…he told her to call him if she needed anything._

Kono debated for a few minutes before picking up her phone. She really didn't need anything other than to hear a familiar and friendly voice. It was too hard for her to hear Adam's voice in her head, especially when the dark of night loomed large overhead.

Deciding on a compromise, she sent Danny a quick text instead. "_Are you awake?" _She tried to remember that Danny had told her to, and that texting him was not a sign of weakness, and yet her self-loathing was at an all-time high. Freaking emotions, anyway.

It only took about a minute before her phone lit up with an answering text. _"Yeah. You okay?"_

Kono was mad at herself for not being stronger, and her hesitation must have showed because her phone lit up again. _"Kono? What's wrong?"_

Kono bit her bottom lip before replying. _"Nothing. Sorry to bug you."_

This time, her phone vibrated with the incoming call. She thumbed the answer button and placed the phone by her ear. "Hey."

"What happened, babe? What is it?" Danny's voice was low, and she figured he was trying to keep it down so that he wouldn't wake Grace. That thought just made her feel more like crap, that she was taking her friend away from his daughter, all because she needed to hear a friendly voice? _Really_?

"Kono? Are you there?" Danny's voice was a little more frantic. He had no idea what was going on, other than she had texted him in the middle of the night, and obviously needed him for something.

Kono's sigh alerted Danny that she was there, giving him the patience to wait her out. It didn't take too long. "I'm sorry, Danny. I tried to be strong, but…"

Danny cut her off. "Hey, hey…none of that. I told you to call me no matter what, right? At least you listen once in a while, unlike my Neanderthal partner."

He felt her smile through the phone, which was his goal. "I just…Chin and I had a really good talk tonight. It made me understand him so much more, and gave me so much respect for what he went through with Malia. But then later, I couldn't eat because my stomach was upset. I had a few bites of yogurt before bed, and I dozed for a while before I ended up getting really sick. I guess I'm just having a pity party. I wish Adam was here with me, making me feel better. I hate that I feel so needy. It's not who I am, damn it."

Danny made a shushing sound through the phone that instantly calmed Kono's nerves. She had to keep reminding herself that emotions came with the pregnancy. She was going to have to get used to the roller coaster ride. "Listen, babe. It makes sense that you need Adam. I mean, he's the baby's father. Of course you'd want him there with you. There's nothing wrong with that, okay?"

Kono nodded and whispered, '_okay_'; not realizing just how much she needed to hear that. She wanted to be able to just push her emotions off to the side, but this pregnancy was a huge roadblock in that regard.

"Did you wake Chin up?" Danny thought he already knew the answer, but figured he'd ask anyway.

Kono whispered, not wanting to disturb her cousin. "I didn't want to bother him. I really didn't think it was worth it."

Danny was a bit frustrated that Kono sometimes couldn't see that she was important to them, and that they would do anything for her. It wasn't her fault, though – she probably honestly thought that her grief was hers alone. He took a breath and blew it out softly. "Do you need me to come over?"

Kono's '_no_' was a bit louder in his ear. "I'll be okay, Danny. I think I can fall asleep now. My stomach has settled down a little bit."

Danny knew that her nausea was probably partly related to the anxiety of being somewhat on her own tonight. Yeah, Chin was there with her, and he was an absolute rock for her. But it was different than what she was used to, which most likely had her nerves on edge. Combine that with not eating much at dinner – no wonder she was off of her game.

"Why don't you see if you can find a few crackers or something. I'm sure not eating that much didn't help your stomach any." Danny was mentally picturing what was in the cupboards and fridge and had come up with an idea.

Kono smiled…Danny knew her too well. "I have the crackers next to the bed, and I brought some Sprite, too. I also have the ginger candy that you got last week – hopefully it'll all help."

Danny chuckled to himself. "Glad I could help, Rookie. Now get some sleep, okay? But I mean it – you call me if you need anything, all right? It doesn't matter if it's 'worth it' or not – if it matters to you, it's important to me. Or let Chin know…you know he'd be there for you in an instant. Got it?"

Kono's breath hitched. "Got it, Danny. And thank you…for everything."

As she hung up her phone, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Chin stepped into her room. "I was up getting a drink and heard you. Is everything okay?"

Kono bit her bottom lip before shrugging one shoulder. "I'll be okay…just a little bumpy right now, I guess."

Chin walked over to her bed and sat down on the other side. Wrapping one arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into a warm hug. "I'm here, Kono…whatever you need."

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The next morning found Chin and Kono seated at the kitchen table when Steve arrived, followed not too long after by Danny and Grace. Bailey was in her element, dashing in and out of the kitchen in excitement. She loved having new people to play with.

Steve and Chin made short work of setting out their breakfast, and soon, everyone was happily eating the sweet pastries. The men were worshipping their caffeine, while Kono and Grace enjoyed an icy-cold smoothie.

Kono was grateful that the drink seemed to settle her stomach. She thought she tasted ginger, and wondered if Danny had them put some in. Whatever the case, she was glad to have something in her stomach that seemed like it was going to actually stay there.

After breakfast was finished, Kono and Grace took Bailey for a short trip to the beach. The two sat side by side, giggling as Bailey did a run-by – scampering as fast as she could towards the water before running past the girls. She must have repeated the motion at least ten times before she finally tired out.

Kono stood and reached for Bailey's leash. "Come on, silly puppy. It's time to go back home."

Grace stood as well and reached for Kono's hand. She seemed to want to be close to her, which Kono didn't mind one bit. She truly loved Grace, and enjoyed their time spent together. "Hey Grace? When I'm feeling better, do you want to have a weekend just for us? We can rent movies and paint our nails – I may need your help with that, if I can't see my toes that well."

Grace's giggle danced on the air. "I would like that, Auntie Kono. Do you know when?"

Kono got quiet, but squeezed Grace's hand. "I'm honestly not sure. But I promise the minute I'm feeling more like myself, I will call you and then you can tell your dad, okay?"

Grace was beaming at the idea that Kono would schedule something with her without asking her Dad first. There weren't a lot of aunts on Rachel's side, blood relative or not, who went out of their way to spend time with Grace. But Kono was different – she acted like she really liked hanging out with Grace. She made Grace feel wanted and special – and Grace loved her for that.

The two approached the house with wide smiles on their faces, and as Danny caught sight of them coming up the walk, he wanted to capture that image and share it with the world. He had his beautiful daughter, who was the absolute light of his life, along with one of his best friends in Kono, who was finally starting to fully smile again…Danny wished she could see the way she looked right now. Hell, he wished that Adam was alive to see just how radiant Kono was.

It was a bit chaotic as they tried to get Bailey into her crate, and Grace into Danny's car so that she could get to school on time. Both were pouting at the travesty that was _not_ getting to spend the day with Kono.

Kono, for her part, gave them both extra hugs and kisses and promised them more time together soon. Danny had agreed to meet Steve and Chin and Kono at the Ala Moana mall as soon as he dropped Grace off.

They met up at the local bookstore, and started browsing through the pregnancy section. It took everything Steve had in him to not browse through the guns or the military section – but he knew this trip was for Kono.

It didn't take long for Kono to pick out a few books, and for Chin to immediately snatch them from her hands and head towards the register. "Uncle's prerogative." Chin smirked as he dodged her elbow, grateful for his own quick reflexes.

Danny and Steve distracted her long enough for Chin to finish paying and meet them outside the mall entrance. Studying the map kiosk, they realized that the maternity store was just below where they were standing, so they headed for the stairs and made their way downstairs.

It wasn't long before the four were browsing through the trendy maternity store, much to Steve and Chin's discomfort. Danny wasn't fazed in the least, as he held up shirt after shirt in front of Kono. "I'm totally buying this one for you, Kono." He held up a navy blue shirt that said 'Happy to Demonstrate What 'Hits Like a Girl' Really Means', in light blue lettering.

Steve's grin was wide as he held up a shirt of his own. "And I'm getting this one." The one he picked out said 'Badass Mom' in big black letters on an off-white, form-fitting shirt.

Kono couldn't help the giggle that came out of her mouth. She was almost shocked by it, but let herself feel something other than the sadness that had followed her around for the past few weeks. "Thanks, you guys."

When all was said and done, she had a few pairs of pants, some pregnancy bras and underwear, and close to a dozen tops that she could mix and match. She figured that as long as she knew her sizes, she could shop online if she needed anything else.

Danny could see her enthusiasm wane as the shopping trip drew to a close, and was pretty sure he knew what was going on inside of her head. He gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to, you know. You can wait until you are ready."

Kono blinked the sudden moisture from her eyes and shook her head. "What if I'm never ready? I don't want to wait, Danny…I have to do this now."

Danny kissed the side of her head as they all headed towards the parking lot. "Whatever you need us to do, you know we're there, right babe?"

Kono nodded and climbed into the passenger seat of the Camaro while Danny put the packages into the trunk. As long as they had two vehicles, they figured they'd all drive over together. The guys were planning on doing a little upkeep of the yard, out of respect for Adam, while Kono took care of her business inside. They weren't sure what was happening with Adam's house, but they still wanted it to look nice.

Kono had gotten word that she was needed in a meeting with Adam's lawyer, but the last thing she wanted to think of was his will. She really didn't want anything except for Adam to be alive. She had deferred until next week, with the attorney's agreement. All of the guys had agreed to go with her if she wanted them to, and Kono promised to get back to them on that in a few days. She just wasn't sure where her head would be at that point in time.

During the drive to Adam's house, Kono just stared out of the window; the passing scenery allowing her mind to wander. She found herself thinking of Adam, and feeling the physical ache of missing him, deep down in her gut.

She never even heard the car engine shut off, and it wasn't until Danny touched her arm that she realized they were parked in the driveway. She glanced around and noticed Chin and Steve leaning up against the front of Steve's truck…ostensibly waiting for Kono to take the lead.

She took a few deep breaths before opening the door. She hadn't managed more than about four steps, when all three gentlemen had surrounded her. Steve and Chin each took an arm, and Danny was behind her to catch her if she fell. She could almost feel their strength supporting her as she made the trip up the walkway.

Her hands were shaking as she fit the key into the lock, but after a few tries, she managed to get the front door open. None of the men wanted to crowd her – they all knew how fiercely independent Kono was – but they knew that they needed to stay in the vicinity, at least.

"Hey, sweetheart. Chin and Danny and I are going to do a little work in the backyard – make sure things are secure out there. Do you want to come with us, or are you comfortable getting what you need in here?" Steve leaned against the back of the couch so that he could look Kono in the eyes.

He was proud of her resolve, as she lifted her chin; tightening that proverbial string that was holding her upright. "You guys go ahead. I'm just going to get a few things that I want to take back with me."

None of the three moved at first, but faced with Kono's determined expression, they finally headed out the back door and into the yard.

Kono clasped her hands against her legs, hoping to quell the trembling that felt like it was coming from deep down inside of her. Eventually, she doubled over at the waist and was forced to take some deep breaths to clear the dizziness away. Once she felt a little more secure on her feet, she stood up and looked around the living room. She had always loved this part of the house, with its rich leather couch facing the gas fireplace. Adam had insisted that the fireplace stayed when he bought the house, because Kono had mentioned that she loved it when she and Adam had walked through with the realtor.

Smiling fondly at a few of the pictures on the mantle, Kono knew that it was time. It took a few moments before she felt strong enough to venture further into the house, but she was focused on only one room for right now…Adam's bedroom.

On her way there, she stopped to admire a few more photos mounted on the wall, knowing that she wanted a few of them for her place. Adam had loved taking pictures, and the black and white shots of the waves crashing over the volcanic rock were some of her favorite landscape photos.

For as strong as she felt while walking through the hallway, her heart almost broke as she stared into Adam's room. Everything about his room was a snapshot to the last moments he spent in his house. His closet door was open, signaling a rush out the door. His bed was made, although a few of the throw pillows were haphazardly placed – again hinting at a more hurried morning than usual.

Her eyes were drawn to the plush down pillows that rested against the mahogany headboard, and she couldn't help herself. She slowly walked towards the bed and sat down on the edge.

Staring at the picture of the two of them that sat on the end table, she couldn't help herself. She had to get it out. "Adam…God, I miss you so much. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were still alive. I don't know how to do this without you, you know. It physically hurts sometimes when I let myself admit that you're not coming back."

She wiped at her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm honestly not sure I would still be here if it weren't for Danny…and Steve and Chin. But Danny, especially, has been a rock. Losing you was the absolute worst thing that ever could have happened to me… I just wanted to be with you, Adam…I would have done _anything_ to be with you."

She rested a hand against her small baby bump and smiled. "I'm ashamed to say this, but without Danny, I probably wouldn't be here right now. I was in such a dark place, that I couldn't imagine living without you. I really think that he literally kept me alive. He made me eat; he let me cry. He didn't back down, no matter how much I screamed or begged him to let me go. I hate the fact that I completely fell apart, but I know I couldn't have survived this without the three of them looking out for me. "

Like a magnet tugging her, she slowly slumped to the side; her arms wrapped around one of the pillows. She took a deep breath, completely destroyed inside that the pillow still smelled like Adam. Without warning, her tears came, chasing themselves down her cheeks at a pace she could not keep up with. She buried her face into the pillow, hoping to muffle her sobs, but there was no way to keep the current vestiges of grief contained inside of her.

With Adam's scent surrounding her, and her heart shattered into what felt like a million pieces with the pain of missing her fiancé, Kono broke down.

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	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I've had few messages of frustration, wondering why the chapters are all so sad, and while I understand that the pace may bother some, I appreciate those who have shared that Kono's grief feels very real. I promise this story will have a bittersweetly happy ending (I may have made up the word bittersweetly - just so you know). Thanks for the feedback!_

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Kono lost all sense of time as she felt wave after wave of emotion crash over her. While her grief consumed her, the shadows slowly inched their way across the wall. Blackness dotted the edges of her vision, as her inability to catch her breath slowly and menacingly caught up with her.

It was Steve, who had come inside to start sorting through the contents of the refrigerator, that heard Kono first. "Danny…Chin!" Steve knew they would hear him, so he didn't stick around to wait – he just rushed towards the sound of Kono's sobbing.

"Kono?" Steve skidded to a stop for a second as he caught sight of his friend, curled into a ball on the edge of Adam's bed. His instincts kicked in, though, and he rushed to her side. He quickly gathered her up into his arms and held her close against his chest; her head tucked up underneath his chin.

"Hey, hey, hey. Sweetheart, you're okay. I know it's overwhelming, but right now, I need you to try to breathe, all right? Just focus on the sound of my voice, and breathe in…and out. In…and out."

He wasn't getting through to her, as he could feel her breath hitch against his neck. He rubbed at her arms, hoping the friction would shake the grip of the anxiety that was trying with an iron grip to pull her under.

He heard the pounding of footsteps and knew that Danny and Chin were close. He hoped that one of them could get through to Kono before they had to call for emergency services if she ended up passing out. He wasn't willing to risk anything with her being pregnant, and he knew that she was not quite all with them right now.

Chin hurried to kneel in front of Steve, while Danny quickly sat on Steve's other side so that he was facing Kono.

"Kono, it's Danny. Chin's right here, too. You're safe, okay, babe? But we need you to try to get your breathing under control." Since she was at an angle to him, Chin was lightly rubbing her back while Danny had taken her hand in his, praying the warmth would break through the fog.

"Come on, Kono. Just take a breath for me." Danny was patient in his coaxing, and after a few minutes of Steve gently rocking back and forth, and Chin and Danny coaching her, Kono finally was able to bring her breathing a little more under control. He watched as she blinked at them, confused.

Danny could tell the minute Kono realized what had happened by the embarrassed flush on her face, and was ready to intercept her self-loathing before she could do any more damage. "Uh-uh, babe. Don't even go there. This was something that was probably due to happen, and I know you're pissed that you showed your emotions like that, you cannot expect to function if you were holding all of that in."

Kono blinked at him slowly; her swollen eyes completely dried out. "But I didn't know…I mean…I didn't mean to…" She trailed off, shaking her head.

Danny reached for her and pulled her into a tight hug that was awkward, until Steve shifted so that she was sitting in between the two men. "I know you didn't know you had all of that stored up…none of us did. But Kono, you have to give yourself a break. This is the first time you've been here since Adam died, and being surrounded by everything that was _him_…it's bound to take a toll."

He could see her trying to breathe her way through what he assumed was a bout of nausea, so he waited until she was a little more settled. "Do you want to get out of here? We're done in the backyard, so we can just get whatever you want to take with you and head back to your house."

Chin had gone and gotten a wet washcloth and brought it back, draping it on the back of Kono's neck. She took a deep breath and tried to smile at her cousin, but only managed a brief twitch of her upper lip.

Chin understood, though, and merely squeezed her shoulder in support.

After a few seconds, Danny took the washcloth and gently pressed it up against her eyes, hoping the cold would soothe the swelling. He wasn't willing to admit it to anyone, but he knew firsthand, following his divorce from Rachel and his brief separation from Grace when she first left New Jersey, what a crying jag did to the eyes…and the subsequent headache that was sure to follow.

He waited until she grasped the cloth before sitting back, keeping his hand along her shoulders to steady her. After a few deep breaths, he saw her straighten and knew that she was digging deep to pull herself up by the proverbial bootstraps.

She let the cloth drop to the floor as she stood up. "I'll just grab some pictures, and then we can go. I wanted to get more stuff, but I…I don't think I can right now." The three men watched as she carefully picked up a few of the picture frames that adorned the room and put them into a cloth grocery bag that she saw next to the closet.

Kono stepped into the walk-in closet, searching for a few of Adam's shirts that she especially loved to curl up in. While she was inside, the three men all sighed sadly, knowing that this was just one more bump in Kono's journey through her grief.

"I'll stay with her tonight…see if I can't get her to get some decent rest." Danny kept his voice low, not wanting Kono to feel like they were all talking about her – which they were.

Steve nodded. "Maybe that would be for the best?" Throughout this whole process, for whatever reason, Kono and Danny had bonded. And it made sense that his best friend would want to be there for her tonight as well, knowing that there may be more emotion where the earlier had come from.

Chin nodded his agreement as well. He was a bit frustrated that Kono hadn't turned to him more than she had, but he knew that she was worried about her grief making him miss Malia. _As if anything Kono said would make Chin miss Malia more than he already did. It just wasn't possible. _"If you guys want to head back to her house, I can drop Steve off at his – save you guys a trip."

Danny weighed his options for a few moments until Kono stepped back into the room, but one look at her had him agreeing in a heartbeat. She looked so lost at that moment – she had put one of Adam's shirts on over her tank top, which between her frail frame and her sad eyes, looked like she had lost her absolute best friend…which everyone could see that she had. Danny knew that she would appreciate getting back to somewhere safe, at least for right now.

Without a word, the three waited for Kono to join them, before leaving Adam's room. Chin wrapped his arm around her shoulders, while Steve and Danny followed behind. They knew that Kono was as tough as nails…and that this was just a hiccup. She had been doing better, but that was the nature of grieving – many times it felt like one step forward, and three giant steps backwards.

Steve made sure Adam's house was secured before joining the other three near the cars. After a warm round of hugs, Kono and Danny were back in the Camaro and headed towards her house.

"Can we make a stop?"

Kono's voice was so quiet that Danny barely heard her, but as soon as what she had said registered, he turned and nodded. "Of course – wherever you need to be."

She swallowed a couple of times before taking a breath. "Can we go to the cemetery?"

Danny reached for her hand, startled at how cold it was. He wasn't immediately sure that it was a good idea, but knew that she needed to be in control. "If that's what you want, babe."

Kono managed a half of a smile. "I don't _want_ to go, Danny…but I feel like I _need_ to go."

Danny understood, and made the turn towards Adam's grave. He wasn't sure how this visit would go, but he figured he would stay close and let Kono decide how much she needed him there.

Before long, he had pulled into the entrance and carefully drove to the area where Adam was buried. She held a hand up when Danny reached for the door handle. "I just…I need…to do this on my own. I appreciate you being here with me, but just need to be near him for a little while. Being in his house was too hard right now – it was like I could feel him there with me but I couldn't get close enough. I just need to be near him and breathe. After that, we can go home."

Danny reached out and caught her hand in his. "Whatever you need, Kono. There's no rush…or no timetable…or no right way to do this. You just do what you can to get through one hour at a time. You're doing great, and I'm really proud of you."

Kono's eyes filled, and she blinked rapidly to clear her vision. Giving him a tremulous smile, she opened the door and stepped out onto the grass.

Danny watched as she slowly made her way to the top of the small hill where Adam's headstone rested against the backdrop of a blue Hawaiian sky. He was itching to get out and follow her, but he knew she needed to do this…she needed to find a way to stand on her own two feet again.

He swallowed hard as she sank to her knees in the soft grass, clearly crying. A part of him wondered just what she was saying to Adam, but he couldn't intrude – he wasn't that kind of guy. He would just have to wait until she came back to the car, and then he would do his best to support her however he could.

Kono could feel Danny watching her, and knew he would always have her back. But she had been telling the truth – she could physically feel Adam's presence at his house, and was absolutely pissed off that he wasn't there the way she needed him to be.

Dropping to her knees, she cleared her throat. "So…Adam…_God, this feels weird._ I'm not really sure what I'm doing here, other than I know I needed to be near you right now."

She wiped at a few tears that were stubbornly trickling down her cheeks. _She was so tired of crying all the fucking time._ She blew out a couple of slow breaths, needing to settle the shaking in her hands. "I miss you, Adam. I know I already told you that. But there was so much more that I didn't get to tell you before I had my meltdown. I'm sure you know this already…at least I hope you are someplace where you are happy and are keeping an eye out on things. But Adam…I'm pregnant. And you know what? I'm pissed as hell that I didn't get to tell you that in person…that you didn't get to share in this experience with me. I'm a wreck, Adam. It's not fair that our son or daughter won't get to know you as their dad. It's not right that you won't get to teach them to walk, or throw a ball, or swim, or…surf. I hate that already, our child has outlived his or her father. There is nothing in this entire world that makes that okay."

She bent at the waist and rested her forehead on her forearms, trying to rein in her emotions. After a few moments, she sat up, surprised that Danny wasn't closer – she loved him and his strength for not giving up on her, but she would have bet money that he wouldn't be able to stay put.

She rummaged through her purse and pulled out what she had come here for. Once she located the glossy paper, she pulled it out and kissed it. "Here he or she is, Adam…your son or your daughter." She placed the ultrasound photo inside of a protective sleeve to keep it safe, before digging a small hole in the soft earth at the base of the gravestone. Once she had a little room, she placed the picture inside of the hole and covered it up. She was glad that she had asked the ultrasound tech for a couple of extra pictures; relieved in the knowledge that she had the matching photo in her bag.

She wiped her hands on her jeans, before swiping at her tears with her shoulders. It was the best she could do, without leaving muddy tear tracks along her cheeks.

She tried to take a deep breath, but could only manage a few short staccato breaths. Shaking her head in frustration, she kissed her fingertips and placed them on the ornate headstone. "I love you, Adam."

She slowly stood up, feeling the blood rush from her head. She bent at the waist, trying to control her breathing enough to chase the dizziness away.

Just when she thought she just might stay upright, she saw the outline of a pair of suspiciously '_Danny-looking'_ black loafers. As she stood, she felt Danny carefully take her arm. "You okay, babe?"

She smiled tremulously and nodded. "Just got a little dizzy, I guess."

He gently guided her back towards his car, keeping one arm wrapped around her shoulders in support. He knew that whatever she had told Adam had taken quite a bit out of her – he would just have to make sure that he kept an eye on her tonight.

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As Kono stepped inside, she quickly headed for the bathroom knowing that Danny would take care of Bailey. The further she got away from the cemetery, the more nauseous she became. She thought that Danny had figured it out because he sort of just threw the car into park and rushed to open the door for her.

Slamming the door behind her, she dropped to her knees and hung her head. Her hands were shaking as she raked them through her hair.

Bailey whimpered at the door, confused as to why Kono hadn't been the one to let her out. Kono's eyes filled with the remnants of the emotional day crashing down on top of her. It took a few minutes, but the nausea slowly eased, Kono realized thankfully. She wasn't much looking forward to 'breakfast, the sequel'.

Once she was steady enough, she opened the door and made her way into the living room, and sank gratefully onto the couch. She heard Danny puttering around in the kitchen and knew that he would figure out where she was soon enough.

Resting her head against the back of the couch, she shut her eyes and tried to push the feelings of sadness and anger back down, where they wouldn't hurt her – at least for now.

Wearily, she raised her head when she felt Bailey licking at her fingertips. She had jumped up onto the couch, but had stopped, fascinated with the fingers in front of her. "Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry I haven't been able to take care of you too much today."

She caught sight of Danny out of the corner of her eye, and tried to smile as he came into the room carrying a tray. "Don't let her fool you – she's one spoiled puppy."

He set the tray on the coffee table and sat down next to Kono. He gave her shoulder a squeeze, before reaching for one of the glasses and handing it to her. "It's just some ice water with a lot of lemon – you said that it helped last week, so I figured I'd try it tonight. I know you're not feeling that great, but you need to try to eat something in a little while."

Kono nodded, and sipped at the icy-cold liquid. Danny also handed her a couple of dark brown cookies, and she looked at him, a little confused. "I found some ginger cookies at the market – they have real pieces of crystallized ginger in them – maybe they will help settle things down for you? I know it's been a rough morning."

Kono reached out and wrapped herself around Danny's arm, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt him place a gentle kiss to the top of her head, and she found herself blinking furiously to keep from crying. "When is it supposed to get easier, Danny?"

Danny grabbed Kono's water and set it back on the tray. He turned so that his knees were resting against hers and reached for her hands. "Aww, babe. I wish I could give you a timeframe, but the truth is, nobody knows. I think it's different for everyone, and in part, because of who it was that they lost. Nobody is expecting you to be magically better by now. Adam wasn't just some guy that you know. He was someone you were planning on spending your life with. You don't just get over that."

He reached out and wiped a few tears from her cheeks. "Now, that being said, everyone is beyond impressed with how well you are doing. I know it doesn't feel like it, Kono, but you're still here and fighting to keep going. Whether it's for your sake, or for Adam's sake, or for the baby's sake – it doesn't matter. You're still putting one foot in front of the other, and that's something to be proud of."

Kono took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I just wasn't expecting it to hurt so much, Danny. I mean, I know he's gone. I do. But stepping into his house – into his bedroom – made it all seem so real, you know? And it was like an actual physical pain – and then I was furious, and then I couldn't breathe, and I panicked, I guess."

Danny nodded his understanding. "It happens, babe. I had a couple of those after Rachel took Grace and moved here. I'm not proud of it, but I get it. I had a few friends who made sure that I didn't drown in the bottom of a bottle, and eventually I started figuring out how to live. It sucked for me, just like I know it sucks for you. But Kono…you're not alone in any of this. We know we're not Adam, and none of us are trying to replace him – but you don't ever have to worry about doing any of this on your own, okay?"

Kono reached and wrapped Danny into a tight hug, trying to absorb some of his strength. She knew she had a long way to go before she would be able to figure out what 'normal' now meant to her, but it was comforting to know that in her close circle of friends, at least, she was safe to take the time that she needed. It was something, at least.

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	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Thank you all for reading. I love reading your replies - they really do make my day. _

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The next month found everyone settling into a rhythm. Kono had seen Dr. Lau once, and was due to see her again this afternoon as a follow up. She was definitely feeling more pregnant, as evidenced by the continued queasiness that still plagued her, and her need to start wearing pants that weren't quite so form fitting.

The nausea wasn't as bad as it had been by any stretch, but it was enough that Kono was never really hungry, and rarely ate unless she was convinced or reminded to by one of the guys.

Chin and Steve were on the other side of the island interviewing a witness, while Danny had a morning court case. He had texted Kono and told her he was picking up lunch, and would be back in the office shortly.

Kono was working the smart table, and trying to figure out a pattern of the thefts in their latest case, but wasn't having much luck. Thankfully, Danny chose that moment to walk in, freeing Kono from the tedious monotony of running algorithms.

"I got some of that udon soup you liked. Mrs. Kiang threw in some extra chicken for you." Danny motioned her towards his office and set their lunch up on his desk.

Kono sat in the chair in front of his desk, and sipped at her ever-present water bottle. She was having good luck with infused waters these days – she found herself craving different fruits, so she had a couple of different pitchers that she filled each night.

Today's ice water had a tropical mix of pineapple, mango, ginger and lime. She grabbed the small container of soup and sat back against the soft leather. "This actually smells great, Danny. Good choice."

Danny just grinned as he thought about just how much progress Kono had made over the past few weeks. He still split his time between his house and hers, but now, she felt more secure and often stayed by herself when Danny wasn't there.

What had almost changed was her living situation. She and the guys had attended the meeting with Adam's lawyer. Upon hearing the reading of the will, Kono had almost fallen apart. Adam had left everything to Kono – including his house, cars, and millions of dollars in cash and investments. She wouldn't have to worry about finances for quite a long time, if she was careful with the money.

The lawyer had a hard time understanding that Kono didn't care about the money, and was well on his way to making Kono question her feelings and feel like garbage again – and Steve and Chin had taken great pleasure in letting him know that his services were no longer necessary.

It had taken a few moments, but the two had finally returned with a different lawyer in tow. Her name was Madeleine Gutierrez, and Kono immediately liked her. She had been a junior partner when Adam first had retained this firm's services, but had quickly worked her way to partner. And now, with a different vibe coming from her counsel, Kono sat and made plans for the estate.

Kono had told Madeleine that she couldn't live in Adam's house just yet – it was too painful. Madeleine understood, and helped her make arrangements for a service to maintain the property until she felt like she could either live there, or sell it if it just wasn't possible.

That had given Kono a sense of freedom that had allowed her to relax a little. She had taken a couple of trips to Adam's house – once with Danny and once on her own. Neither trip lasted long, but it was starting to become less painful and more memorable to be in his space.

Madeleine had also given her contact information for a couple of people she trusted to manage financial portfolios, leaving Kono satisfied that she wasn't going to be taken for a ride.

While Kono was slowly sipping the savory broth, her phone chimed an alarm. Glancing at it, she swore softly. "Crap…it's already 1:00?"

Danny glanced at her curiously. "What's up?"

Kono was rushing to put her lunch away. "I have an appointment with Dr. Lau at 2:00. Chin was going to go with me, but he and Steve aren't back yet."

Danny quickly finished the last bite of his lunch before standing up and grabbing his keys. "Well, let's get going, then Rookie."

Kono smiled softly. "I didn't want to assume, but I'd like it if you came with me."

Danny flung an arm over her shoulder after she grabbed her bag. "You know what they say about assuming, right?"

Kono just grinned as the two left the Palace, and headed towards the Camaro.

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Kono only had to wait a few minutes before she was called back. The nurse let Danny know that she would come and get him when it was time for the ultrasound, if that was okay with Kono. Danny was fine with that, as he had no desire to see anything else that was taking place in the exam room.

It only took about ten minutes before the nurse was calling his name. "Mr. Williams? If you would follow me please?"

Danny followed the older nurse down a few different hallways before finally coming to a closed door. The nurse opened it and motioned for Danny to go in ahead of her. "She's right in here."

Danny moved towards the stool that was up by Kono's head, and immediately noticed the tears in her eyes. "What's wrong? Babe, is everything okay?"

Kono nodded and wiped at her eyes. "The baby's fine…I'm just frustrated."

Danny looked from Kono to Dr. Lau, and back to Kono again. "Okay. What am I missing here?"

Dr. Lau's smile was kind. "No worries, Danny. Kono and I just had a little talk about her needing to try to take better care of herself. The baby is doing really well right now. But the fact that Kono hasn't gained really any weight to speak of, says that the baby is taking what it needs from Kono. Many women will have gained 4-5 pounds by their 16th week. Kono is only up about a half pound from her pre-pregnancy weight. Again, not worrisome just yet, but not something I want to see continue over the course of this pregnancy."

She turned her gaze towards Kono. "And like I told you, Kono. I get it. I really do. I understand the struggles you have had during this pregnancy, both physically and emotionally. All I want you to do is try to take care of yourself as best you can. I'm here to support you however I can. It's clear that you have a great ohana looking out for you – I just need _you_ to look out for yourself as well."

Dr. Lau took Kono's hand and gave it a squeeze. "With everything you've had going on, it's really quite remarkable how well you are holding up. And I know it's not an easy thing to do. You've had to put your own needs aside to make sure the baby is safe, and it is. You'll see that in just a moment. But – and this is the gentle scolding coming – you can't forget to take care of you. Because at some point, if the baby keeps taking from you and you're not storing up, so to speak? You will find yourself in a bad way. None of us want that for you…we want to see you healthy, and eventually happy again. What I want to see you doing is really making an effort to find one thing that you can do every day that's just for you. Make it something you want to do – not something you think someone wants you to do. Got it?"

Kono wiped at a couple more tears with the tissue that Danny had handed her and bit her lip. "I'll try. It's all I can promise right this minute."

Dr. Lau finally nodded, satisfied that she had at least been heard. Susan Lau was not an unkind woman by any stretch. But she knew that sometimes, in her job, she had to give a large helping of tough love. But in this case, she knew that she had to tread carefully. She could not even begin to imagine the emotional weight that Kono was trying to carry.

It was wonderful that she had such a good support system, but at the end of the day, she knew that the only one who could take care of Kono was Kono. Susan knew that Danny and the rest of Kono's ohana would make sure that she was taken care of, but it was Kono who was going to have to walk through the darkness on her own. She just hoped that there would be just a little more light now than there was before.

Dr. Lau reached for the ultrasound machine and wheeled it closer. "Normally I have my ultrasound tech do these scans, but I really am anxious to see this little one myself. I'm not sure if we'll be able to tell the sex of the baby yet, but if I see it, do you want to know?"

Kono bit at her lip, suddenly unsure. This was something that she and Adam should have gotten to discuss together, but hadn't; and now she had no idea what she wanted. Hell, she hadn't even really let herself even think of becoming a mom – her head and heart had been fairly well occupied with other thoughts the past couple of months.

Danny looked helplessly at Dr. Lau, as he watched Kono drift into her thoughts. Susan nodded and squeezed Kono's hand. "It's okay if you're not sure, Kono. I'll tell you if I can see anything first of all, and we can always put the information into your chart if you decide you want to know later on. It's not something that you have to decide today, okay?"

Kono nodded and reached for Danny's hand. She pinched at the bridge of her nose, wiping the tears before they could trickle down her cheeks.

"Okay. So the gel is cold…hopefully it's not too bad." Dr. Lau grimaced on behalf of Kono as she squeezed the water-based gel onto Kono's lower abdomen and placed the transducer where she thought the best position was.

Kono's eyes were riveted on the screen, and the second the image of the fluttering heart became recognizable, she gasped audibly. "Is that…?"

Dr. Lau smiled. "Yep, that's the heart. You can see it's got a good regular rhythm. The heart rate is measuring at around 145 beats per minute, which is exactly perfect for a 16-week fetus. Baby has good movement as well. I'm not seeing any abnormalities in the cord, and I'll just tell you now that baby is facing the wrong direction to get any good views of gender."

She printed out a series of pictures, before wiping the gel off and helping Kono sit up. "I'd like to see you again in another month. I want to check your weight and see how things are going. We can do a 4-D ultrasound at that appointment – 20 weeks is usually a good time to find out gender. If you still aren't sure if you want to know, we will just put the information in your chart in case you change your mind."

Kono nodded and took the pictures, tucking them in her purse. "Thanks, Dr. Lau. For everything. I know I'm not the easiest patient, and I appreciate everything you've done."

Susan stepped forward and hugged Kono, sensing that Kono was really making an effort. "You, Miss Kono, are the farthest thing from a difficult patient. And I cannot wait to meet this little healthy baby, who will be coming from a really healthy mom, in about five more months. We'll have a birthday party to end all birthday parties, okay?"

Kono smiled in return. "Sounds good to me."

She turned to where Danny was waiting by the door and smiled. "So I'm under doctor's orders to do something that is just for me. So what do you say we call Steve and Chin, and either the two of us play hooky for the rest of the day or have them meet us if they're not busy? I'm feeling the need for a super cold, pineapple shave ice from Kamekona."

Danny shook his head as he opened the door. "Pineapple? Seriously? Ugh…the things I do for you, Rookie."

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After a quick stop at Kono's house to let Bailey out and run her around, Steve was carrying bags loaded with food. After referring to the list of safe foods Dr. Lau had given her, Kono had decided that garlic shrimp sounded good. It was one of the first solid meals that had actually seemed remotely appetizing to her – and Kamekona had plated her one of his better meals…shrimp coated with garlic butter over rice. Normally she just ate the shrimp, but once she thought of rice, she had to have that as well. Kono wasn't about to argue with actually wanting something to eat for a change.

Chin was carrying the cooler with their shave ice – Kamekona had put them into cups with lids, knowing it was what was on the inside that his favorite female detective was craving. He didn't have to make them picture-perfect for Five-0 like he did for the tourists, so he was willing to pack them up into to-go cups for an impromptu picnic.

Danny had the blanket and the bag of utensils and napkins that Kamekona had included with their order. Their plan was to find a spot along the water where they wouldn't get wet, but could enjoy one of Hawaii's postcard-worthy venues.

Kono walked slowly, her thoughts all over the place. She was beyond thrilled that the baby was healthy – she had worried that her inability to take care of herself would have done harm, somehow. So to hear that despite her failure to function for those first few weeks, she had done enough to allow her baby to grow stronger.

Danny had stopped and shaken out the blanket, turning to help Chin with the cooler, while Steve set the bags down. While they were setting up their picnic spot, Steve wrapped an arm around Kono's shoulder. "Walk with me?"

Kono nodded, knowing that Steve was just keeping an eye on her. Each of the guys had taken it upon themselves to check in at least daily…and she loved them all for it.

"You doing okay, Kono?" Steve's eyes were kind as he followed Kono's lead and sat down in the sand.

Kono brushed her hair from her eyes and nodded. "For today, at least. I saw Dr. Lau and she said that everything looks good with the baby. I'm glad, since I could have done some serious damage to it."

Steve looked genuinely perplexed. "What do you mean, serious damage, Kono?"

Kono took a breath. "Just…I don't know. Thinking about how little I cared about myself when Adam died – which by default means I didn't really care about my baby, either. I guess I'm just irritated with myself."

Steve counted to three in his head and reminded himself that Kono was dealing with a whole lot of emotions right now. "Kono, I care about you. You know that, right?"

At her nod, he continued. "You have to give yourself a break, here. You were just trying to survive those first few weeks. Nobody expected you to do anything more. You are going to be the absolute best mom. Do you know how I know that?"

Kono shook her head, frustrated at the moisture collecting in the corners of her eyes _again_.

Steve smiled gently. "Because I saw you, completely consumed with grief…and that was understandable. But Kono, in the middle of your grieving, you never fully gave in. You kept figuring out a way to fight and make it through another hour…it doesn't matter who you were fighting for. You did what you had to do, which is the epitome of a good mom."

Steve suddenly felt a cold chill envelop his gut and he had to swallow hard to regain his composure. _'A good mom did what she had to do? Was that how Doris felt when she faked her death? That she was doing what she had to do to fight and make it through another day?'_

Steve shook his head, forcing those thoughts back into their compartment for now. "The point is, Kono, that you took care of your baby the best you could – and your child…yours and Adam's child…will be the luckiest baby alive to have your for a mom."

Kono wiped at her eyes before reaching out towards Steve, allowing him to pull her one-armed against his chest. She felt his hand running up and down her back, and relished in the feeling of knowing that Steve would be another ally when it came time to teach her son…or daughter…what a good man really was. Her child would truly know what family means.

"If you two are done warming the sand with your asses, our food is getting cold." Danny's eyes were twinkling as he stood in front of his friends. He reached out a hand to help pull Kono to her feet, while Steve stood and brushed the sand from his cargo pants.

Danny hugged Kono as the three headed back to their picnic. She was smiling again by the time they got to their food, and all three men chuckled as she practically dove into the take-out container. Giving them an eyebrow, she muttered, "What? The baby wanted shrimp."

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End file.
